I'm angry right now.
A situation has gotten under my skin and I can't let it go.
To hear another adult express the statement of 'I'm too old to care about what they think of me. I'm done.'' is hurting me.
I didn't cause this pain but someone I know did.
Everything in me wants to ask, why? Why do you have to act so entitled and icy. Icy to the point that this person has noticed and made comment several times in recent years.
I feel like I need to apologize for the behavior. Because I know I was taught better, and now I feel guilty by association.
Fact is, you were taught better too.
I understand in some ways. Not being able to mask envy or jealousy. I get it. I've been there. There have been times when I wish for a do-over.
I wish I could tell my younger self to stop being so damn stubborn. To let go, because I was only losing friends through my willfulness. There is a whole group of college friends that are gone because I was blind at the time. What I fought for wasn't that important in the long run....not more important than friends.
It's the proverbial burning of the bridge.
You need to listen. The war you are engaging in will cost you more than you shall gain. SO much more to lose. This battle is eating you alive. It is stealing happiness from your life, from my life.
And I don't want to hear excuses or apologies. I don't want flimsy emails filled with half-hearted reasoning and tales of woe. I'm old enough now to have experienced some of that myself. Life is a roller coaster, we all have our valleys.
Dust off the jealousy, anger and resentment....and MOVE ON.
The person you hurt. That person. Is someone I've grown to love dearly. They have lifted me up at my lowest point and held me. Given words of assurance. They gift laughter and love to this family with no strings attached, no expectations.
Put it in your mind that this is a DO OVER. Take the mulligan. And try.
