But instead, I sit here thinking about all the cute things my kiddos have said in the last several weeks.
Trent is convinced he needs to use the potty, only to sit there and do NOTHING! He screams, ''Mommy is not wooookin?! Is na woookin?!'' As he pulls on his penis trying to go pee. Can't really help him with that, but glad he has the general concept of sitting on the potty down. Most of the time he will tell us 'yucky diaper!' while he's actively peeing. Little too late at that point.
He likes telling us 'No poopy in there(giggle) when we try to check his pants. Come on buddy, connect the dots mommy would love to get you out of diapers!
Our little buddy has gone off to preschool like a pro! No tears, no fuss. He's our shy and introverted guy but is coming out of his shell a bit. Ms. Kim says he is such a sweet boy and asked for hugs and says 'tink you' and 'beeees' with everything they ask. He has become my little squishy bundle of love.
Nora is on the other end of things these days. She tells me that all people have holes in their head...it's where the hairs come out. True...true.
She has started saying her brain 'just went crazy' when she's done something mischievous. Like some crazy little elf took over her cognitive abilities for a few moments. This happens a lot when I've told her no to a snack and somehow five minutes later she has one! To punish or not?
The spiritual is starting to intrigue her as well. She came home yesterday talking about how she needs to pray, that God likes for her to talk and pray. We havn't really prayed with her yet because I wanted her to first grasp the WHY of it. We are big believers in letting our children understand the reason behind things instead of just mimicking a behavior. In the end, I think she will be more connected to her thoughts and heart with her prayer messages.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
The Holes in My Head
There is still no final diagnosis for what is going on with me, but there are a few things we do know about my noggin.
Under MRI imaging, I have 10 small hyperintensities of an unknown cause that are not concordant with my age. The hyperintensities are areas of cell degradation and tissue damage, just to clarify. These are mostly seen in the elderly, people with migraines, or some neurological issue. Ok, fine I can deal with that.
Rich and I are not good with serious topics, we tend to crack jokes to break the tension. And while this may all be serious, I can't focus on that. The what ifs will drive you crazy and some days I already feel crazy enough.
I like to imagine that the ten spots make some fabulous connect the dots puzzle or constellation, just to keep the radiologist amused while viewing my scans. Because wouldn't it be awesome to have a star map in your head? (I have not actually seen the pictures from the MRI)
In the moments, when I realize that the holes have stolen a thought from me or made it hard to find conversational vocabulary I have to see some humor in the situation. As you can imagine, frustration at my inability to articulate builds. Ironically, while talking to a friend yesterday, I couldn't bring to mind the word ''troubleshooting''.
Problem is. No one seems to be at the help desk some days. Those are the bad days when I have horrible mood swings feeling frustrated. Thankfully, I have a husband who realizes when I need a minute to myself. He clears out the kids so I can relax. The more stress I feel, the more problems I have.
There are moments when I've been listening to Rich and typing in instant messenger, having transcribed my verbal conversation onto the screen. Look down to see ''Amanda, have you lost your mind. What was that about?'' referring the above comment.
For a long time before I went to the doctor, I thought I was imagining things. I was just busy. Just anxious. Just tired. Just being a mommy.
Nope, I just have holes in my head.
It's a veritable black hole as far as short term memory goes. We now laugh at how many times I have to remind myself to pay bills or call someone. If I havn't called you back or promised to do something and forgot, I swear it is not on purpose or mean spirited.
While I'm anxious to get into the neuro to get a possible answer, I've started to embrace all of this as my new normal. Just a few holes in my head.
Under MRI imaging, I have 10 small hyperintensities of an unknown cause that are not concordant with my age. The hyperintensities are areas of cell degradation and tissue damage, just to clarify. These are mostly seen in the elderly, people with migraines, or some neurological issue. Ok, fine I can deal with that.
Rich and I are not good with serious topics, we tend to crack jokes to break the tension. And while this may all be serious, I can't focus on that. The what ifs will drive you crazy and some days I already feel crazy enough.
I like to imagine that the ten spots make some fabulous connect the dots puzzle or constellation, just to keep the radiologist amused while viewing my scans. Because wouldn't it be awesome to have a star map in your head? (I have not actually seen the pictures from the MRI)
In the moments, when I realize that the holes have stolen a thought from me or made it hard to find conversational vocabulary I have to see some humor in the situation. As you can imagine, frustration at my inability to articulate builds. Ironically, while talking to a friend yesterday, I couldn't bring to mind the word ''troubleshooting''.
Problem is. No one seems to be at the help desk some days. Those are the bad days when I have horrible mood swings feeling frustrated. Thankfully, I have a husband who realizes when I need a minute to myself. He clears out the kids so I can relax. The more stress I feel, the more problems I have.
There are moments when I've been listening to Rich and typing in instant messenger, having transcribed my verbal conversation onto the screen. Look down to see ''Amanda, have you lost your mind. What was that about?'' referring the above comment.
For a long time before I went to the doctor, I thought I was imagining things. I was just busy. Just anxious. Just tired. Just being a mommy.
Nope, I just have holes in my head.
It's a veritable black hole as far as short term memory goes. We now laugh at how many times I have to remind myself to pay bills or call someone. If I havn't called you back or promised to do something and forgot, I swear it is not on purpose or mean spirited.
While I'm anxious to get into the neuro to get a possible answer, I've started to embrace all of this as my new normal. Just a few holes in my head.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sometimes God has a sense of humor.
In one of the most stressful times of our marriage, He has made us laugh with irony. We had put the idea on the backburner, pie in the sky dream that it was.
Back in April, Rich came home one night and said, 'So, you want to move to California?' To which I completely laughed. In the last 5 years, we have been approached about relocation to, Fredericksburg, VA, Asheville, NC, and Charleston, SC. All of which came to no fruition and fizzled. ''What the heck hon, say yes. It will never happen anyway!''
We went through two months of human resources telling Rich....'let's meet on Monday about the details' for the meetings to be cancelled. The weekends were filled with what if scenarios and daydreaming that both excited and scared us.
And now we've been told a date that Rich MUST be out there. No one get to excited about all this and start the presses. There are so many details that have to be right with finances, housing, and all the moving logistics. We may still say no if the salary and moving package isnt' what we want.
There are so many big decisions and information to absorb right now. Have to trust that there is a reason or plan for all this.
In one of the most stressful times of our marriage, He has made us laugh with irony. We had put the idea on the backburner, pie in the sky dream that it was.
Back in April, Rich came home one night and said, 'So, you want to move to California?' To which I completely laughed. In the last 5 years, we have been approached about relocation to, Fredericksburg, VA, Asheville, NC, and Charleston, SC. All of which came to no fruition and fizzled. ''What the heck hon, say yes. It will never happen anyway!''
We went through two months of human resources telling Rich....'let's meet on Monday about the details' for the meetings to be cancelled. The weekends were filled with what if scenarios and daydreaming that both excited and scared us.
And now we've been told a date that Rich MUST be out there. No one get to excited about all this and start the presses. There are so many details that have to be right with finances, housing, and all the moving logistics. We may still say no if the salary and moving package isnt' what we want.
There are so many big decisions and information to absorb right now. Have to trust that there is a reason or plan for all this.
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