This Diagnosis

Well, we are getting closer to knowing WHAT is going on with me.  The doctors have been acting like vampires for the last 4 months taking copious vials of blood.   Not kidding here, at least 65 vials have been drawn since the middle of June. And then there was redrawing of blood, because the first blood was tainted when it got to the lab.

There's the insurance now asking the Rheumotologist to please call them personally because they want to know WHY a third MRI has been ordered.  This one is just of my right hand.  The big ones were the head(in July) and then the spine MRI about three weeks ago.  The spine one I was in a tube, like a coffin for two hours.  No so fun.  They tried to brighten it up a little by putting star stickers like you get in kindergarten on the ceiling of the tube.  Bwahahahaha!  Still not fun.

The Rheumo has absolutely no bedside manner.  Very abrupt and ''ok, see ya when we get that blood work back have a great day''.  Yeah, I'll just keep hanging on the bare threads that remain of my bravery, thaaaaat'll get me through another month of the unknown.  Maybe I have him to thank for sending me over the edge into the panicked abyss again.  It was awesome, two whole days I don't remember and two really fuzzy ones last week.  Better now, meds are good.  I think I might keep them for a while.

Hope you all can keep up the the abbreviated specialist names because I can't spell them and neither can spell check here on blogger.

I still have to see the hematologist because the latest blood panels for Lupus have come back positive.  There is some small percentage that they could be wrong, but ''probably'' not based on my blood work and symptoms according to the Neurologist.  So we are GUESSING that the culprit is Lupus at this point and not MS.  For some reason Lupus seems doable and MS is just scary SH**.  Sorry, I normally don't cuss but I'm passed correctness right now.  Four months in emotional limbo does that to ya.

The Hema is suppose to call me, hasn't happened yet.  Might start pestering them tomorrow, ya know whole California move is looming and what not.

Going back to the therapist to talk out the new more life altering craziness.  Rich went with me for the first time last week.  Can't love him enough for that.  Lots of the big life questions to get straightened out.  Existential this and that.  Learning to live with dependencies and weakness.  Deep stuff.  The kind of uncomfortable I hate to feel, but probably need too.

So, that's the diagnosis so far.  In short, we still don't know, think we might have an answer, but in the meantime trying to maintain mental and emotional stability.