Putting myself out there to be hurt is HARD.  I think anyone would agree.

I feel like I've walked through life the last two years or so in a bit of a blur.  Highs and lows. Resolutions and regret.  Love and loss.  Rights and wrongs.

Rights and wrongs and regret have been on my mind for a while now.  As mommies, I think we get caught up in our kids, our responsibilities and let important things slide.  Then slide a little more.  Until we are embarrassed to even admit our responsibility.

I've had bigger missteps in my life, but about three years ago I let someone go.  We were both busy being mommies, miles apart and time got limited for phone conversations.  And emails.  And then my phone died a watery death and the phone number was gone.

It was always on my list.  I would tell myself, just shoot an email to her, takes seconds.  Funny, how those seconds seemed too important at the time to STOP.  But then again, I am a seasoned procrastinator so the pushing off of things isn't a stranger to me.

That all changed this week.  I stopped procrastinating.  Sucked up my pride and wrote an email.  The email had the normal day to day stuff in it.  And the update on everything that's been going on with my health.  Not meant as a pity me, just an FYI.  I tried not to give the disease to much of a roll in the loss of communication, but it did play it's part.

The rest of it.  That was my doing, and I take responsibility for that.  We've both fought the same battles, she before I, and I was not there for a time.  An important time.  I understand that now that my closest friends have rallied to my side.  I am sorry.  So sorry.

With the email, I chose to face possible rejection.  I own it.  But I still wait, hoping for a response from a lost friend.