The InBetween

These are the times you will look back on.  It is rare that you will remember the 'perfect' days, but rather that five minutes or less when your child opens the lens of the world a little wider.  

A little brother sister love on a Saturday morning.  I'm sure the hubby is happy he's sleeping through this one.  And now mommy will break for yet another cup of coffee.

 ''Buddy get off my part of the couch! Mommy he's touching me!!!'' ''Norwahhh! Stop it Norwahhhh. My pillow, my blanket, my cartoon. Stop!!!!!''  


Nothing like torturing your kids with a quest in southern California to find a recycling place.  And point out all the beautiful sites.

*listened to this dreamy thought from the back seat, ''Look it's Paris!'' Ummm, no no it's not. That is a ridiculously large powerline tower, if only we were in Paris instead. Maybe a little too much Gaspard and Lisa.

Getting so caught up in housework for ummm, the first time in a long time that this one happened.....

had a moment. OMGosh, the back door is open, Trent are you outside? Trent? Trent, buddy where are you! Proceed to me running in and out of the house.....giggle under my bed after being a mad woman for what seemed like eternity. Never been so relieved and wanting to throttle child at same time. Oh, those baby blues never looked so precious tearing up because mommy scared us. Never again buddy, OK?

Then your heart skips a beat out of pure joy.

''Norwah, don't cry, I sing you a song.  Don't cry, I sing you a song.  La la lah.''  My little man putting words to a made up melody of his own to cheer up sister.  

It doesn't really get better on most days.  All the fluffy edited pictures you take can not capture this, only your heart can.

Putting myself out there to be hurt is HARD.  I think anyone would agree.

I feel like I've walked through life the last two years or so in a bit of a blur.  Highs and lows. Resolutions and regret.  Love and loss.  Rights and wrongs.

Rights and wrongs and regret have been on my mind for a while now.  As mommies, I think we get caught up in our kids, our responsibilities and let important things slide.  Then slide a little more.  Until we are embarrassed to even admit our responsibility.

I've had bigger missteps in my life, but about three years ago I let someone go.  We were both busy being mommies, miles apart and time got limited for phone conversations.  And emails.  And then my phone died a watery death and the phone number was gone.

It was always on my list.  I would tell myself, just shoot an email to her, takes seconds.  Funny, how those seconds seemed too important at the time to STOP.  But then again, I am a seasoned procrastinator so the pushing off of things isn't a stranger to me.

That all changed this week.  I stopped procrastinating.  Sucked up my pride and wrote an email.  The email had the normal day to day stuff in it.  And the update on everything that's been going on with my health.  Not meant as a pity me, just an FYI.  I tried not to give the disease to much of a roll in the loss of communication, but it did play it's part.

The rest of it.  That was my doing, and I take responsibility for that.  We've both fought the same battles, she before I, and I was not there for a time.  An important time.  I understand that now that my closest friends have rallied to my side.  I am sorry.  So sorry.

With the email, I chose to face possible rejection.  I own it.  But I still wait, hoping for a response from a lost friend.

Ow!

Pretty sure the Hughes Syndrome is in an active phase again this week.  My guess is that my immune system has taken a major hit with the holidays, stomach bug, and sinus infection in the last month.  The immune system can only recover so quickly and mine seems to be slow on the uptake.

Basic symptoms.

Tired!  Like falling asleep on the couch at 10pm or earlier every night. This is odd for me, we are usually midnight owls watching tv and reading books.

Nauseous and not feeling right on and off.

Some weird spells of fuzzy vision or spinning vision as I call it.

Right arm pain.  Two days of it now, the bone deep grip feeling on my bicep.

Grumpy and impatient, despite being on meds.  Yeah, I've lost my temper several times with the kids.  That level of irritability is not normal.

So, now to sit back and see if this passes or if I'm going through another flare period that will last a month or two.  A lot of sunshine and rest is ordered for this week.  My plan is to take the kids to the park a LOT to help up my vitamin D.  Added pomegranate juice to my diet every other day to get some extra antibodies in a natural form.  And rest, the biggest lesson I've had to learn this year.  SLEEP!  If my body says sleep, obey.