The Last Week

I don't know where to begin this since my thoughts are all scattered in my brain. Best to start at the beginning....

Most of you know that Rich and I started our trying to conceive journey again this summer. I think both of us went into it having gleaned SO much knowledge and faith from last time that it would happen.

Here's the beginning.

It took me 25 days to ovulate. I normally ovulate cycle day 18 to 21 so I thought annovulatory cycle, nothing new with my PCOS. Then surprise, July 4th I got a eggie present! YEAH! The timing was perfect since it was a long weekend for Rich and I both.

Now I will say that time has taught me to NEVER go into a cycle thinking 'this is the one'. After all the infertility and treatments you just learn not to set yourself up for disappointment by hoping too much. So I started taking my progesterone(Provera) like I'm suppose to. You see I don't produce enough progesterone after ovulation to hold my uterine lining long enough for a egg to implant. (see: Luteal Phase Defect)

I started spotting at 8 days past ovulation, despite the Provera so I checked myself out of that cycle. Tested 12 days past ovulation, got a negative so stopped the Provera. I had what I would call a period, 4 days, heavy, med, med, light.

This is where it gets crazy.

Friday, July 24th, left ovary has been CRAMPING for 2 days now. I think cyst or really early ovulation which sometimes happens after I've ovulated really late.

Saturday, July, 25th...play tennis match but just don't have any energy, feeling out of sorts., spotting a bit

Sunday, July 26th...wake up SUPER tired but decide to meet a friend at the gym at 1pm. Do a KICK ASS workout of almost two hours but feel great. Come home and start feeling fluish, headache, slightly nauseous. I took my blood pressure it was 110/72 so perfect there. Spotting heavier that night.

Monday, July 27th...wake up to full on period type flow and immediately call my Dr's office. With all the cramping and not feeling well I thought maybe an ovarian cyst had burst since my period stopped 7 days prior. Gwen, the nurse takes all the information over the phone and then asks, 'Your sure you're not pregnant'. Me, 'Well, I took a test at 12 DPO, it was neg.' Her, 'Oh ok"

So I continue to cramp and bleed all day but it fades off later in the day.

Tuesday, July 28th...wake up to even more bleeding and worse cramping at 6:30am. At this point, I decided to test just to MAKE SURE I wasn't pregnant. You can imagine what happened next, I POAS and there was as DARK line, no questioning it. There it was.

I immediately call the Dr. Office and put a panicked message on Gwen's nurse line. She calls back almost immediatly and has me in at 10:45....I called at 9am.

So I arrive and sit in the waiting room for 45 mins! The nurse finally calls me back and as I explain things she's giving me looks like there are horns on my head. She also questions whether I know when I ovulated...ERRR I chart lady! So there's another 15 mins. of my life.

Finally get into an exam room and see the Dr., I've been calling him Dr. Craptastic we will stick with that. Dr. Craptastic enters the room, I've never met him before since the practice has 6 Dr.'s. Here's how the conversation went. ( a lose outline of what I remember)

Dr. Crap: " So what's going on here"
Me: "Well, I'm pregnant, cramping bleeding. I bleed a bit with my daughter so I guess I need to get checked out and maybe put on progesterone to make it stop. I have PCOS and last time Dr. Tagechian had me on metformin and progesterone until 14 wks. I did do 8 days of Provera this cycle but I tested, it was negative so I stopped taking it"
Dr. Crap: "I don't have time to look in your chart to know everything"(me dumbfounded)
Dr. Crap: "Progesterone is used to bring on a period, not sustain a pregnancy"
Me: "But there is bloodwork proving that I don't have the correct progesterone rise to sustain pregnancy. Dr. Tagechian used the progesterone last time to correct that end of my cycle so there'd be a bigger hormone drop, hoping to kick start my estrogen and ovaries to ovulate'
Dr. Crap: (putting up his hand to SHHHHush me) "You need Clomid, we need to simplify this. No temping, no progesterone, no OPK's, just have sex and you'll get pregnant. " (me on verge of tears)
Me: Well apparently I am/did get pregnant and now I'm bleeding.
Dr. Crap: Nurse, we'll do an exam (him squishing around on my nether regions) "We'll need to confirm this with blood. That's it, they'll take your blood up front" - Dr. Crap leaves.

I honestly think I was in shock at what just happened. There was no explanation of the exam, of if it was a miscarraige what to expect, if it wasn't what MIGHT be causing the bleeding. Needless to say Dr. Crap needed lessons in bed side manner. I returned home, very confused and infuriated. I called and left a tearful message with Gwen about the appt. and could I PLEASE talk to Kathy Watkins my nurse practitioner since she knew my case. (Note: Dr. Tagechian was out of the office all last week)

Kathy called me that night at 7:45pm from her house, while she was eating dinner to talk me off my ledge. I can not even beging to express the gratefullness after what had transpired earlier in the day. She noted everything I said about no instructions and being put-off in my chart for Dr. Tag. to see, although I'm sure nothing will be done to Dr. Craptastic.

Wednesday, July 29th...more bleeding but less cramps. Have to call and beg for beta # at 4pm right before office closes. I'm told that it's an 85 by Gwen. Dr. Craptastics nurse didn't bother calling.

Thursday July 30th...spotting, no cramps. Go in for more bloodwork early in the morning and proceed with my day.

Friday, July 31st....spotting but feeling good. I took another HPT in the morning and it was still as dark as the Tuesday test so this was reassuring. The nurse that took blood on Thursday ASSURED me that they would call on Friday not to worry. Long story short, they DID NOT CALL. So Rich and I went through a torturous weekend of not knowing.

Sunday, Aug. 2nd...I took another HPT and it was much lighter and my boobs had deflated. Just expecting the worse at this point.

Monday, Aug. 3rd....I wake up and immediately call the Dr. office at 9am for results, left message.

1pm - left another message.

3:30pm - left a panicked message with Gwen. I also took the time to call a different Dr. office and start the paperwork to transfer - more on that later.

4:15 - FINALLY get a call from Gwen she tells me that Dr. Craptastic and his nurse are deciding what the next step is. Me: " Well, while they decide can I have my number?" Gwen. " It's a 69" I could hear the ache in Gwen's voice. So, we discussed that it was probably an early miscarriage and that I'd wait for instructions.

So here I am on Wednesday, all the bleeding has stopped. I see Dr. Craptastic tomorrow at 4:20 for hopefully the last time.

I have an appt. with the new Dr. next Tuesday at 10am. It's an all female practice that was highly recommended by my friend, Kathy. Kathy saw me through to the other side of this last week. She took Nora whenever I needed her too, would call just to chat and let me vent if I needed too. I will be forever grateful to her for all her words of kindness and hugs.

I also have to thank my October '07 mommies for all the hoorays for being pregnant, boos for Dr. Craptastic, and big hugs at the end of all this. I wish I had some of you here in Atlanta(IRL)

For those that ask, I'm fine. Emotionally, it has been a very taxing time but Rich and I have held on to each other through it. We understand the risks with my PCOS, that I'm twice as likely to miscarry than the average woman. We are also realists and know that it didn't happen without good reason. Nature knew better than us, we accept that although it's hard.. For now, I think we will have a pause in our trying to concieve journey to just breathe. I know it will happen again in time and that timing will be perfect.

ETA: Please DO NOT post anything on Facebook about this. There are people we would rather not share this with.