Mission Incomplete

Mission: To assimilate into the culture, gather data and report back to mission control. These are my findings so far.

These are the things I do know.

I know how to cook fabulous meals from all genres, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, American

I know how to be a domestic goddess. (i.e. housewife)

I know how to drive a car.

I know how to assimilate into almost any social situation.

I know how to play varied sports,(tennis, golf, bowling, you know the ones that count)

I know I have traveled extensively in the U.S. to broaden my knowledge of the land.

I know how to use all forms of purchase, cash, credit, or check.

I know how to speak with no accent so not even the best linguist can nail down where I come from.

These are the things that I don't know

I do NOT know lyrics to any song, maybe the chorus, but not the entire song. I have absolutely NO knowledge of classic rock and know only one nursery song 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' - 'folk' music - FAIL

I do NOT know about the old lady that ate a fly and died, apparently this is a critical piece of fictional Americana I was not briefed on. - toddler literary training- FAIL

I do NOT like football, I understand it but find it boring. - lazy Sunday afternoon training - FAIL

I do NOT like video games. The Wii has held my attention far longer than all previous programs. - Couch potato training - FAIL

I do NOT like fast food. (note: If I must eat, Wendy's is the only choice) - French fry worship - FAIL

I do NOT like coleslaw, potato salad, or any other marinated in vinegar vegetable. - Culinary assimilation of picnic foods - FAIL

I do NOT like Winnie the Pooh, the Mouse(you know of whom I speak) or his clubhouse song(see 'Do NOT know lyrics'). - Knowledge and appreciation of animated characters - FAIL

You see according to Rich, I'm a Russian spy, and my training was 'incomplete' based on the HUGE holes in my knowledge of Americana. I will admit nothing. I know nothing of this training he speaks of.

Again, I will admit nothing. I take this thing called the 5th. (historical documents - PASS)