Bridges Burn

I'm tired.

Tired of the effort some things take.

I'm tired and need to just let go.

Tired of feeling like I did something wrong.

Watch the bridge burn and know it's for the best.

Tired of taking one for the team.

It does not lead to a safe harbor.

Tired of rebuilding from the cinders.

The boards have incompatible flaws.

Tired of telling myself, maybe this time.

Bridges burn.

Guacomole Salsa!

Not that my stomach is up for this after Salmonallapalooza '11, but I can at least type about food on Foodie Friday. Right now anything culinary is evil and will remain so for a while. Glad I ate myself silly last weekend at our Argentinian Wine/Dinner Club, those extra calories are coming in handy.

Among the tastiness was this classic from my kitchen. It was one of the first things I made for Rich when we started dating. He is an avid chips and salsa fan and it completely won him over.

2 cans. petite diced tomatos
1 med. onion
2 c. chopped cilantro
2 T. chili powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp. garlic powder
jalapeno to taste

Put all that in a blender or food processor and push 'frappe'.....yummy! Note: Rich used habenero's once....NOT a good idea. One habenero = flaming hot sauce that was not even edible.

Amanda's Guacomole

6 avocado's diced
2 T. chili powder
1.5 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup onion finely diced
1 c. cilantro finely diced
1 T. lime juice

To help chopping the cilantro, put the bunch in the freezer until stiff. It will cut beautifully with a large butcher knife after frozen.

Put all ingredients in bowl and mix. Let sit for at least an hour to let flavors set.

I Crush Spiders.

It's official.

What can I say, my flesh is an endorphin covered magnet for stinging insects, eight legged and flying a like.

Let's take a minute to list my encounters with the venomous kind.

Age 8 - stepped on a bee while running through the grass in the back yard. WHY! Why was the bumble bee in the grass? Go find a flower!

Age 10 - Came InCHES from stepping on a scorpion in my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. I just remember mom saying STOP, don't move.

Age 22 - Stung on the shoulder by a hornet while running into the house. I had come home on a lunch break from my internship in Austin to turn off the iron from that morning. Did some incredible drafting that afternoon back in the office with an ice pack on my shoulder.

Age 22 and 3 wks - Biten by a wolf spider while sleeping on inside of left elbow. I guess I rolled over and pissed it off? The bite swelled up like Mt. Vesuvius on my arm and itched for weeks on end. I went back to college with that thing healing up looking like a leprosy ulcer. I was hawwwt!

And now we come to this last weekend. I have been on a mission to get the 8-9' holly hedge along our property line under control. Taming this thing is no small feat. Clippers, large loppers, and a tempermental chain saw later fifty percent is done.

I'm feeling good. Goals are getting met. Wine party Saturday night and the yard is cleaned up again, as is evident by the 30 leaf bags against the garage.

(What a coinkydink, I just noticed this! A twelve year space between incidents again! I love some good irony)

Go inside and get my gourmet groove on. Whipping up the guacomole and home-made salsa and wow....what the heck! Burning on the back of my leg, right where my butt cheek meets my thigh. Whatever, probably got scratched by a branch that went up my shorts. Those holly hedges can get frisky.

Time for a shower. WHOA! This thing looks like a chaffing blister about 1" across. Weird. Party on, fajitas, wine, friends, and some bocci ball.

Speaking of balls, it is now 11 pm and my blister is an orb sticking off the underside of my thigh. I can't sit down for fear of bursting the little planet and causing a river of goodness knows what to run down my thigh.

Midnight, everyone is gone.

Rich inspects the orb. It has two satellite blisters now of lesser proportion. Great.

Google it, google, google......mmmm concensus is spider bite. And not just any spider, a brown recluse!!!

The trifecta of stinging insects is complete. Bee, hornet, brown recluse. Seems I was just working my way up the chain of severity.

What did I do to deserve this one!? Other than chop down the little guys' habitat, he didn't have to go all commando operations on me up the shorts. Then again, I find it funny to imagine the little guy falling into the cellulite pit on my backside. Let's be honest after two kids the area is losing it's firmness. Spidey's last ditch effort to get out got him crushed by my gluts and buttocks...to which he declared 'TAKE THAT'.

Not every day a girl gets to say, 'I can crush spiders with my A**'.

Now to wait. Will my body just heal or are we talking about a nasty lesion of the buttocks.

Your A Parent When

you say things like...

''Did you wang your head?'' And your mind doesn't go into the gutter

''You know, it's wrong but I can now identify what food he pooped.'' You can thank Rich for that insightful moment.

''Nora! Stop taking pictures of mommy naked!'' A new favorite game is taking TONS of pics with the digital camera, toys, cups, brother, you name it! On a side note, the shot of my backside showed me that my butt isn't as bad as I thought, at least from the level of a preschoolers eyes.

''My day just got more interesting, Nora puked in the car. She is now on site with me in a purple hoodie and heart panties.'' Fantastic parenting moment from yesterday as Nora went to work with me.

You commend your infant for making snot in record breaking proportions and aren't grossed out but somewhat impressed.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Come the most fascinating and confusing thoughts. Sometimes it leaves you wondering about the existential world and messages from beyond.

Nora has had a couple of these in recent months. (For my PP sisters, I told you about the first two a while back)

We were driving in the car to preschool and she says, 'Mommy.? I don't want you to die. ok?'

HUH!?

This completely got to my anxiety levels as I believe that kiddos are more open spiritually to the other side. (My older sister asked about a dead relative she had never met in the weeks before she died.) Had to talk to the therapist about this one and how it weaves into my fear of dying while my children are young. I know I'm not in control of my time here, but it's a selfish human wish that I cling to.

We were snuggling one night and Nora says, 'I will miss my room mommy. When, when there's a fire and my pretty pictures go away.'...She was talking about the watercolor mural I did above her bed.

Once again OMG! Having a fire in the house, especially on the childrens end is one of my biggest fears

And now this.....

Sweetpea, did you have a bad dream last night? You yelled in your sleep, mommy came in and held you for a while.

''Yeah, I was far far away mommy. And I yelled help help. You said my name, Nora Paige Willman. I did not want to go. There was a thing, like white and glowy up there.''

The deeply spiritual side of me interprets this as her seeing a glimpse of heaven and maybe an angel speaking to her. I am strangely calmed by this dream of hers. It does not frighten me to think that there are angels watching over my child.

Growing up...A mommy's heartache.

Mommyhood moves too fast at times. You turn around and it seems like it's just been a moment since you heard them first cry.

And the cry turns to sweet babbles.

We call Trent our little Pterodactyl because he's always screeched at the top of his lungs. Most likely in an effort to be heard over his sister, chatty one that she is.

The good news is.....Trent can TALK!

Trent can say 'Dee dee'...which means daddy! Of course, its always daddy first. He is a tried and true mamma's boy so I'm not too worried about where his loyalty lies.

He also says 'Boo'. Nora is constantly playing the 'boo game' with him so it's really no surprise.

Along with his newest trick of waving comes 'haaaaaaa!'...We are taking this to mean 'hi' in Trent-speak.

We get lots of waves and 'haaaaa' as he cruises around the coffee table these days.

Where did my baby go?! He still looks like a baby with his pudgy thighs, scarce hairline and sucking on his left pointer finger. Have I ever mentioned that he does that? There must be sugar in the left pointer finger, it is the favored one.

To add more ache to mommy's heart, I found two 'byes' under Nora's bed today. One was an old Avent style cut all the way down. The other, a Nuby butterfly half destroyed. Ironically, it has been a little over a year since the 'byes' were taken away. I kept them and lovingly placed the two in a drawer to remember how little she once was.

The Do's and Don'ts of Vacation.

DO invited the grandparents to come with. This has many advantages that go beyond traveling baby sitters.

DON'T let the women do all the packing and then get frustrated when supplies are not as accessible as you like.

DO take a lot of reading, even if you're too busy looking at the ocean to crack the spine.

DON'T forget if you travel on Sunday, in the middle of no where Georgia, you may be hard pressed to find a restaurant open. God bless the blue laws that still exist in po-dunk America.

DO suck up your fear of heights to climb up and down 178 steps of a lighthouse with your kids. Nothing compares to the preschooler shrieking at the sight of expansive ocean. OR, her explanation that the lighthouse tells the ships, ''STOP, go that way, don't hit the beach!''

DON'T get too frustrated with service at dinner, except in extreme situations. You are ON vacation. Relax.

DO take your entire medicine cabinet in case a viral monster takes down half your crew.

DON'T set an alarm.

DO take a trolley tour of the town if possible.

DON'T worry about splitting up to do different things for a while. The stories at dinner are awesome.

DO take video of your kid saying ''Herrrmit Craaaabs!'' at random strangers to record their reaction.

DON'T fold your husbands flip flops inside a beach chair...you will forget them.

DO say a thankful prayer when your children behave like angels despite crazy schedules and late nights.

DON'T forget the coffee. Preschoolers get exceptionally excited about the beach, go to bed ridiculously late and wake up at 7am screaming for their bathing suit.

DO convince your kiddo to curl up for story time with Poppy. I only wish I'd snapped a picture.

DON'T ever forget how it was to travel with small kids, you'll need this learned patience later in life for your own grandkids.

DO bring most food from home. These towns know they have a captive audience, you will be overcharged for every miscellaneous food item.

DON'T go on a diet before the trip, this will only lead to frustration when faced with tasty beach restaurant food.

DO stay up late to take a long walk.

DON'T forget to people watch, that's some good, free entertainment.

DO find an authentic ice cream parlor and treat yourself.

DON'T mind that your infant is eating piles of sand, consider it a good fiber source.

DO have those long conversations you'll remember later.

DON'T do too much in one day, remember quality not quantity of memories.

Back!

Sorry folks, took a little time off to go on vacation to Tybee Island. Be back soon with stories from the trip.

Bring Back Home - Cinnamon Rolls.

This past weekend, I made a patch of my mom's cinnamon rolls for the mens tennis team. I completely got the Betty Crocker bug last Friday as there was pizza dough and cinnomon roll dough made on the same day.

As always I was determined to make it BETTER than my mom. Let me explain. There are certain tastes that I adore, that just hit my cerebral cortex right in the happy spot and bring me back to childhood. There are three ingredients I can never have too much of, brown sugar, cinnamon and butter(the real stuff). Mom's use is just not liberal enough for my soul.

I promised this recipe back in February so I apologize for the procrastiation on the post!

Cinnamon Rolls.

1 C. shortening, 1 c. boiling water

1 c. sugar, 1 1/2 tsp. salt

2 eggs, beaten

1 c. warm water, dissolve yeast in water

2 cubes compressed yeast or 2 pkgs. dry yeast

6 c. unsifted flour

Pour boiling water over shortening. Add sugar & salt. Add eggs, then water w/ dissolved yeast. Add

Flour until well mixed, cover and let rise in warm place for at least 4 hrs. Note, this makes really sticky dough in case you get concerned.

After 4 hours, punch dough to break rise dome.....

Knead 1/2 c. extra flour into dough ball. (yes, this flour is in addition to the above)

Cover counter with wax paper in 3'x2' area. Sprinkle wax paper with ample flour. Hand roll dough ball into a long cylinder. Use rolling pin to flatten dough into a rectangle about 1/4" thick. Rectangle will normally be about 30"x20"

Melt 1.5 sticks of butter and spread evenly over dough. Sprinkle 1 c. white & 1.5 c. brown sugar across rectangle to absorb butter. Sprinkle generously w/ cinnamon. Let dough set for 10 mins to allow sugars and butters to thicken up.

Begin to roll dough in cyclinder from the longest side. You should end up with a 30" long cylinder of yumminess! The sugar will ooze out at the end of the roll, that's OK.

Slice 1 - 1 1/4" thick rounds and place on greased pan. A standard cookie sheet hold about 12 rolls. The end slices lack some of the sugar goodness. Take a knife and pick up the sugary ooze on the wax paper, put on top of the end rolls

Cover w/ saran wrap - loosely across only one side of the pan. Let rise over night.

While these bake the next morning, prepare the cinnamon glaze. Melt 1/2 stick butter, 1/2 c. brown sugar, 4 T. Light corn syrup. in pot on low. Slowly bring to boil. Turn off and remove from heat. Whisk in 1 tsp baking soda. The glaze will become frothy. Add 1 tsp. vanilla and whisk until glaze starts cooling. Be careful to not do this too ahead of the rolls being done as it will really start to stiffen. When rolls are done drizzle over rolls and serve on platter.

Bake @ 425 for 12 - 15 minutes

These just turned out perfect!

I was touched when a neighbor told me they ''reminded him of home, and his mom used to make similar cinnamon rolls with the yeasty dough.'' There was just pure delight in his voice as he spoke, almost childlike. You see, his mom died on Christmas Day 2010 unexpectedly. I'm so grateful that this recipe could bring back 'home' for someone and make their heart smile one more time.