I Crush Spiders.

It's official.

What can I say, my flesh is an endorphin covered magnet for stinging insects, eight legged and flying a like.

Let's take a minute to list my encounters with the venomous kind.

Age 8 - stepped on a bee while running through the grass in the back yard. WHY! Why was the bumble bee in the grass? Go find a flower!

Age 10 - Came InCHES from stepping on a scorpion in my parents bedroom in the middle of the night. I just remember mom saying STOP, don't move.

Age 22 - Stung on the shoulder by a hornet while running into the house. I had come home on a lunch break from my internship in Austin to turn off the iron from that morning. Did some incredible drafting that afternoon back in the office with an ice pack on my shoulder.

Age 22 and 3 wks - Biten by a wolf spider while sleeping on inside of left elbow. I guess I rolled over and pissed it off? The bite swelled up like Mt. Vesuvius on my arm and itched for weeks on end. I went back to college with that thing healing up looking like a leprosy ulcer. I was hawwwt!

And now we come to this last weekend. I have been on a mission to get the 8-9' holly hedge along our property line under control. Taming this thing is no small feat. Clippers, large loppers, and a tempermental chain saw later fifty percent is done.

I'm feeling good. Goals are getting met. Wine party Saturday night and the yard is cleaned up again, as is evident by the 30 leaf bags against the garage.

(What a coinkydink, I just noticed this! A twelve year space between incidents again! I love some good irony)

Go inside and get my gourmet groove on. Whipping up the guacomole and home-made salsa and wow....what the heck! Burning on the back of my leg, right where my butt cheek meets my thigh. Whatever, probably got scratched by a branch that went up my shorts. Those holly hedges can get frisky.

Time for a shower. WHOA! This thing looks like a chaffing blister about 1" across. Weird. Party on, fajitas, wine, friends, and some bocci ball.

Speaking of balls, it is now 11 pm and my blister is an orb sticking off the underside of my thigh. I can't sit down for fear of bursting the little planet and causing a river of goodness knows what to run down my thigh.

Midnight, everyone is gone.

Rich inspects the orb. It has two satellite blisters now of lesser proportion. Great.

Google it, google, google......mmmm concensus is spider bite. And not just any spider, a brown recluse!!!

The trifecta of stinging insects is complete. Bee, hornet, brown recluse. Seems I was just working my way up the chain of severity.

What did I do to deserve this one!? Other than chop down the little guys' habitat, he didn't have to go all commando operations on me up the shorts. Then again, I find it funny to imagine the little guy falling into the cellulite pit on my backside. Let's be honest after two kids the area is losing it's firmness. Spidey's last ditch effort to get out got him crushed by my gluts and buttocks...to which he declared 'TAKE THAT'.

Not every day a girl gets to say, 'I can crush spiders with my A**'.

Now to wait. Will my body just heal or are we talking about a nasty lesion of the buttocks.