Result Musings

The day before my 36th birthday this past week I was back at my neurologists office to go over some results.  It's summer so the kids were in tow.

Here is the visit briefing.

Got to office blessedly on time despite ridiculous traffic.  Sat kids down and told them to BEHAVE!  Trent proceeds to drop raspberries all over the white tile floor in the waiting room.  ''Mommmmmmy! I drop a berries!''

Luckily, I'd brought some new toys to distract the kids.  This game is GOLD, the original hand held game and my kids think I hung the moon with this.  Note: Old Navy has these for $2 a piece right now, great game for the car or plane on summer vacay.

The nurse put us in a room pretty quickly.  And we waited and waited and waited.  Then Dr. Alahi walked in and Nora busts out with ''We waited for you a really long time!''  I think he might of been taken back by her precocious outburst.  Oops.

Ummm, yeah back to the reason I'm there.  And I quote, ''So the EEG shows that you were sleep deprived.  It's pretty easy to fall asleep in a test like this.  And that you have quite a bit of anxiety running across your brain.''

Let me explain my mood towards medical testing.  I. Don't. Like. It.  I don't sleep the night before so yeah, that sleep deprivation is an honest assessment of my brain that morning.  And WHO wouldn't be a little nervous with a swimmers cap on their head that has 16 electrodes attached to the scalp my glue.  By the way, the glue gives you a fabulous after doo reminiscent of Cameron Diaz in ''There's Something About Mary''.

Good news, the damage spots are not impairing communications across my cerebellum.

''Your MRI looks pretty much the same as a year ago, very little growth on any of the damage spots. So this is really good news.  At this point, I think we've determined that the spots are most likely caused by silent migraines.''

Silent migraines come with no pain, just auras and visual disturbance.  This is the kind I get, but they are doing some damage on my brain.

If they wanted to see anxiety combining the EEG and the MRI would have been quite amusing.  It was torturous tube MRI that causes me sweats just looking at the machine.

This is not me, but a great example of the Man in the Iron Mask cage that goes around your head.  Complete with
immobilizing foam ear pads, great for anyone with claustrophobia.  Then, THEN you get stuffed in the tube.(see below)

Again, not me.  That little leg wedge to make you more comfortable, complete lie.  LIE.
The try to con you into thinking this is some sort of crazy spa relaxation exercise.

Ok.  Now to address this crazy burning on my arms that gets more intense with higher temps.  His eyebrows flew up folks.  ''Wow, that's really something we see with our MS patients.  The increase in symptoms with the heat index.  We can certainly redo the spinal tap to make sure they didn't mess up results in Atlanta.''  (I like that he remembers where I moved from)

I was conflicted on this idea.  Ultimately, I don't think all the tests I went through in Atlanta could be wrong or been botched in the lab.  The burning and itching arms is also seen in fibromyalgia so I'm pretty comfortable with that idea.

''It is seen in fibro patients as well and Dr. Reuda did list that as a developing auto-immune.  Fibromyalgia can cause damage to your nerve endings and heat is like holding a match to them.  I do agree that this looks like fibro but wanted to give you the option of a second test.  Sort of like getting a second opinion.  Now, if these symptoms get worse or intensify you call me immediately and we will get you in for the test."

I think I thanked him for the confidence.  I've been released back to the Rheumo for my follow up appt. this fall, barring any ridiculous symptoms.

No more doctors for now, it feels incredible to say that after over a year of specialists, blood draws, and days of testing.

And as Dr. Alahi left he said, 'Bye Trent.  Bye Nora.  Be good for mom.'  

That Sucked

I would rather be poked or zapped!

The MRI is not a test for me, my anxiety or claustrophobia.

I was doing so well.  Laying there listening to rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm.  Little ticking noises at my head.  My head that was immobilized with a cage around it!  The Man in the Iron Mask kept coming to mind to my small amusement.

Sometime during the third series of pictures the technician came in to tell me, 'Hey, based on your family history of MS the radiologist wants to do the contrast.'  Until that moment I'd kept it together, and then it got all to real.  This was really happening.  I could really have a serious, life changing disease.

Cue crazy snowball of worry to start rolling down the hill.

''Ummmm, hi!!!!!!  Are you there?  Are we almost done with this one?''  I was half way through set four when the guy had to come in to talk to me.

''You ok?''

''Not really, are we almost done I'm having a panic attack....or at least the start of one.''

''You have 1 minute left on this one, then we can take a break.''

(rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm.  ticky ticky ticky tat, hmmmmmmm)

DONE!

Oh thank God.  Get me out of this thing!  I needed a mental break.

''I'm sorry.  I have anxiety and claustrophobia and it has gotten to me.  Can I take a break?''

''Sure.''

''Can I sit up?''

''No, the picture build on each other so if we move you right now we'd have to start over.''

''Ok, do I have to do the contrast today?  Can I come back with someone to hold my hand and calm me?  I usually take Xanex for this nerve racking stuff but had to drive myself.''

''Sure.  You can come back.  We don't want to stress you out this much.''

At this point a few tears were rolling down the sides of my face from the stress.  Lord knows, I've been putting on the brave face for weeks now.  The MRI is the culmination of the tests.  The LAST one.  And it's intimidating to be immobilized and helpless.  Giving a vial of blood doesn't make me feel helpless, but this one hit the core of me.  That vulnerable spot.

As the technician said,  ''We have your brave meter turned up really high today.''  High?  Yeah, that meter is about to break a coil from straining at the 'high' reading level.

''There is one more set, can you do it?  I'll be right in there.  They don't pay me near enough to watch people be tortured.'' as he squeezed my hand.  God Bless this man for his bedside manner.

I got through that last set by shear will.

The good news.  The radiologist may determine that I don't need the contrast tests and corresponding MRI based on what was already taken.

If I do, my husband will be there with me as I take that final round of scans.  He held my hand on our wedding day and rubbed my thumbs to calm me during our vows, I know he will do it again to see me through.