It's Like the Toilet Exploded!

The EPICNESS of the poop mess that I just found can not EVEN be described!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Massive poop IN the toilet, back rim of toilet iced with more poop, substantial poop ON the side of the bathtub, at least 4 deposits on the floor and rug, poop smashed all over his backside the size of a hamburger patty, down both legs, and a just for flare a small dollup in the hallway on the WHITE carpet.

OMG!  I must have stepped in poop 4 or five times.  Mind you I had just gotten out of the shower.  Note: take another shower.

Trent told me he got in the bathtub to clean...''too much poopy''

Something told me not to linger in the shower...I now know why

I am almost regretting not taking a picture.  So I sent the above description to the hubby......And so begins our conversation.  It is worth noting that hubby is terrified and appalled by poop of the human or animal  kind.  Can not even begin to list the words of disgust and vialness he uses while changing a diaper.  As a mom, I find it laughable.

Bug:  LOL

......oh my god LOL

i hurt

 me:  It had to have been more than a pound of poo

 Bug:  "too much poopy"

oh ouch my face hurts

me:  He has a way with words

 Bug:  so he climbed in the bathtub by himself? i'm a little confused on that part

the rest is so damn funny i might throw up

me:  Yes, the poop was on the top edge of the tub....He says, 'I get in there, make a mess'

 Bug:  but why did he get in there in the first place? because of the initial mess?

 me:  Based on the poo trajectory on the floor, I'm guess he pooped in his little potty, smeared it all over his backside

decided this would take a major clean up and tried to climb in the tub.

THEN, he had to poop more and couldn't hold it.

 me:  THE, he decided to come find me and a small slab fell off his little tush when he walked out of the bathroom.

Remarkably, he managed to negotiate the poo mine field without stepping in it.

Bug:  it's fascinating how much poop there was. There's a physics problem here. he really lacks sufficient inside space for the amount of poop you are describing

me:  Apparently not. It would seem he cleared his intestinal tract.

 Bug:  and some sort of n-dimensional space that occupies the same space as his gut

did Nora not see/help?

 me:  Nora was watching cartoons, oblivious to the disaster

 Bug:  lucky her

me:  Yes, lucky her!  She didn't have to use half a package of disinfectant wipes to clean the bathroom...all the while Trent splashed happily in the bathtub while I was cleaning.

And so, the productive part of my day ends.  I now sit with a cup of coffee and a book.

 Bug:  

me:  Be afraid hon, next time you could be on duty

 Sent at 2:26 PM on Thursday

 Bug:  eh, my brain would shut off, and you'd find me catatonic on the ground, surrounded by feral, poo-smeared children.

And after a month of not blogging, I bring you the horrors of having a potty-trained, albeit VERY independent boy.

Super Pants~

We did it!

Trent is potty-trained by US before going to preschool next fall!  He beat his sister out on this accomplishment by about 3 months.  He has earned his super hero pants.

This did not come without some fabulously hysterical moments in the last two weeks.  The little guy just seemed ready.  And it helped that as the second child he was introduced to candy at a much earlier age, this ridiculously addicted.

You go pee, you get a candy.  Yay!!!!

We potty train with future streaking skills in this house.  Kids are naked from the waste down until they get it.  The steam vac and carpet cleaner bottle stays at the ready and go!

We have listened to our son yell, ''Moooooooom!  I want to be NAyyyyy-ked!  Naked!!!!  I need my shirt off!  Want to be Nayyy-ked!''

I firmly believe Trent need to be naked has more to do with the male genetic than streak potty training.  All men start young at this, so my husband tells me.

There are some moments that just make you think, OMG!  Trent sitting in the tub grabs his penis and says 'Whurrrrr!  Whuuuuuuur!'  Mommy, my pee pee like an elephant!''.  This as he plays with it like an elephant trunk.  The part of me that is WAY too conservative just cringes, but the mom in me is documenting it as a really cute moment.   That will turn him beet red in the future.

The first public accident is always fun....''Ms Willman?  Yes?  Trent tried to go to the bathroom and peed all over his pants.  We have him on the playground to keep him away from the other kids.''   Get to the kids area to find my kid covered in pee.  He didn't tuck things in properly and peed over the rim of the toilet.  The point is he tried on his own!

There is the suspected errant poop accident that turns into a sigh of relief.  You realize that your hippy child is naked.  You spot little brown pellets on your carpet trailing down the hall, then realize they are raisins.

Five minutes later it gets worse.....He just pulled down his pants and pooped in sisters Barbie pool.  Barbie has been dive bombed in her tropical oasis with Ken looking on.  She's never living this one down.  Trent commentary being, ''Mommy!  I poop in mermaid ocean!!!''  To his credit Barbie's pool is blue and bean shaped like a bedpan.

And now we enter the end of week three of potty training.  He's good 90% of the time, but that other 10% can be brutal.

The InBetween

These are the times you will look back on.  It is rare that you will remember the 'perfect' days, but rather that five minutes or less when your child opens the lens of the world a little wider.  

A little brother sister love on a Saturday morning.  I'm sure the hubby is happy he's sleeping through this one.  And now mommy will break for yet another cup of coffee.

 ''Buddy get off my part of the couch! Mommy he's touching me!!!'' ''Norwahhh! Stop it Norwahhhh. My pillow, my blanket, my cartoon. Stop!!!!!''  


Nothing like torturing your kids with a quest in southern California to find a recycling place.  And point out all the beautiful sites.

*listened to this dreamy thought from the back seat, ''Look it's Paris!'' Ummm, no no it's not. That is a ridiculously large powerline tower, if only we were in Paris instead. Maybe a little too much Gaspard and Lisa.

Getting so caught up in housework for ummm, the first time in a long time that this one happened.....

had a moment. OMGosh, the back door is open, Trent are you outside? Trent? Trent, buddy where are you! Proceed to me running in and out of the house.....giggle under my bed after being a mad woman for what seemed like eternity. Never been so relieved and wanting to throttle child at same time. Oh, those baby blues never looked so precious tearing up because mommy scared us. Never again buddy, OK?

Then your heart skips a beat out of pure joy.

''Norwah, don't cry, I sing you a song.  Don't cry, I sing you a song.  La la lah.''  My little man putting words to a made up melody of his own to cheer up sister.  

It doesn't really get better on most days.  All the fluffy edited pictures you take can not capture this, only your heart can.