I don't hug...sorry

I've done a LOT of reflection since becoming a mom and have come to the realization that I don't hug people. And it's not intentional, done out of spite, or hatred to those around me.

I think all personality traits are formed by your upbringing, what you saw, heard, learned, etc....My parents came from very strict German households, a culture that back then was more focused on work and succeeding than rearing touchy, feely children.

My paternal grandfather was raised by his single mother with his brother. My great grandfather died of the influenze pandemic of 1918, he caught it while nursing his own father. Both men died leaving their wives alone to raise children and get through the Depression. I've observed my now 89 yr. old grandfather enough through the years to see the stiff hugs, buck up attitude to know emotionally where my father came from. My dad has worked HARD to show my sister and I affection and love beyond what his father did.

My maternal grandmother was raised by her single mom with her sister. My great grandfather died of a heart attack at the age of 36, yes, 36 yrs old. My grandmother was 10 and her sister 7. So, my mom grew up with a mommy that also didn't know two sided parental love. Or have roll models for that. Once again my mother has worked hard to fixed the past through her daughters.

I am very blessed to have the parents that I do. For them to realize where they came from and what their children needed, that was not present for them. I got hugs growing up, don't get me wrong. I just have to be REALLY close to you to extend those arms of friendship. The people I hug the most are blood relatives or people that I've known ALL my life. You know those family friends that might as well be blood because they know all your secrets anyways.

I'm sitting here trying to think of the 50+ friends Rich and I have here in Atlanta. I think I've hugged maybe 6. Which makes me sort of sad and mad at myself. What must all of you be thinking! That I'm cold, don't care. The fact of the matter is that I do, be patient with me as I get over some hurdles in my life.

This all being said. That is where I come from. That is my emotional history.