Session #4 - Triggers and Overstimulation.

Lots of things to talk about this week.

One, Ann is a psychotherapist, not a psychologist. There's a big difference. Ann can be my bestie, my sounding board, see me at my worst, and be a guide. Ann can not prescribe me meds, offer any advice on dosages, or change them.

Good to know. (Thank you Cari for telling me to ask that question.)

Two, going to the doctor with your 8.5 mth old in tow to discuss prescription dosages, that's live experiment drug testing right there. How many times can mommy distract that baby, multi-task, answer questions over screaming baby. CHECK - the meds are working. Sanity was not lost.

Three, what triggers anxiety. Ann has asked me to on identifying the moment the anxiety starts. I can say. Watching a 6.5 min. video on youtube of the tsunami disaster sweeping away a whole town, a town your cousins family happens to be in at the time....Not. A. Good. Idea. That triggered an anxiety tsunami in my brain. I distracted myself with picking some stuff up around the toy room and got myself back to normal,(without meds!) in about 30 mins.

Four, and it's a big four. Ann has me reading the most awesome book, 'The Introvert Advantage.' Just wow. This book had me after the 4 page preface.

Just a few thoughts.

The book talks a lot about introverts and how they draw energy or recharge themselves. The introvert inherently needs solitude, quiet. This would explain the long hours I would spend arrowhead hunting growing up, away from the family party happening at the ranch. It also explains the hours of painting in a quiet place. Or getting lost in books. These three things are my core desensitizing activities.

Now, put that in mommy terms. There is NO me time, always doing for someone else, being asked questions.

The book also puts forth the idea of overstimulation in the introvert. When something or an experience is too much. Think of these things as concerts, fairs, big parties where you would be expected to mingle a lot. I actually detest all three of the previous things, now I know why. The introvert gets worn out keeping up with all the extroverts that actually draw energy from these experiences.

Best example I can come up with...I like really long walks, in the woods where it's peaceful, it makes my soul very content to relax against the blowing of the wind and rays of the sun. An extrovert would like a really long walk in New York City where they can feel the tension, excitment, the frantic vibe of life around them.

Does that make sense?

Put all this in day to day terms for me. I wake up to voices crying mommy, asking for milk, asking for cartoons. Then I listen all day to Dora, Super Why, crying, whining, laughing, screeches of joy. And I get climbed on, hugged, kissed constantly by one of the two kids. Stimulus, stimulus...by 4pm most days I'm frazzled. My brain and nervous system are overloaded.

I remember back in January right before the first episode of panic attacks. Nora's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, I just couldn't hear 'mommy' one more time. I recall yelling at her to 'get off me' one night on the couch. Every inch of my skin was crawling when she touched me. My body was trying to tell me what it needed.

It needed SPACE.

But how do you find space in a job like mommy that is so hands on? Children are naturally extroverted, especially at the ages of mine. As Ann said yesterday, it's not like mommy can take a time out.

If rules are good for children, then there are new rules for me too.

One, the tv does not go on in this house before 2pm. Most days that's not a problem because Nora's at preschool MWF from 9-1pm. The childrens programming goes off at 4pm. We can chose to listen to the music channel, Silver Screen(822) which is nothing but instrumental music scores. The kids watch cartoons with daddy in the evening when I'm washing dishes downstairs and finishing up random chores for the day - this equates to about an hour more of tv.

Two, we go outside everyday. We can play on the driveway, go on a walk, swing, etc. I put a big quilt out for Trent and me to lay on. I rest, absorb sunshine.

Three, Rich comes home earlier. Takes the kids so I can cook dinner in peace. Cooking is also a relaxation, stress outlet for the highly creative side of me.

Four, one day a week when Nora is at preschool I take Trent to a drop in daycare. It seems that Wednesdays work best for this. I get that middle week recharge of 'me' time. The me time normally consists of working on plans, random errands, blogging or reading.

The new rules for me trigger a feeling of being centered, in control in a very extroverted world. There will always be negative triggers for me, the idea now is to find positive triggers.