Sometimes God has a sense of humor.
In one of the most stressful times of our marriage, He has made us laugh with irony. We had put the idea on the backburner, pie in the sky dream that it was.
Back in April, Rich came home one night and said, 'So, you want to move to California?' To which I completely laughed. In the last 5 years, we have been approached about relocation to, Fredericksburg, VA, Asheville, NC, and Charleston, SC. All of which came to no fruition and fizzled. ''What the heck hon, say yes. It will never happen anyway!''
We went through two months of human resources telling Rich....'let's meet on Monday about the details' for the meetings to be cancelled. The weekends were filled with what if scenarios and daydreaming that both excited and scared us.
And now we've been told a date that Rich MUST be out there. No one get to excited about all this and start the presses. There are so many details that have to be right with finances, housing, and all the moving logistics. We may still say no if the salary and moving package isnt' what we want.
There are so many big decisions and information to absorb right now. Have to trust that there is a reason or plan for all this.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
That Sucked
I would rather be poked or zapped!
The MRI is not a test for me, my anxiety or claustrophobia.
I was doing so well. Laying there listening to rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm. Little ticking noises at my head. My head that was immobilized with a cage around it! The Man in the Iron Mask kept coming to mind to my small amusement.
Sometime during the third series of pictures the technician came in to tell me, 'Hey, based on your family history of MS the radiologist wants to do the contrast.' Until that moment I'd kept it together, and then it got all to real. This was really happening. I could really have a serious, life changing disease.
Cue crazy snowball of worry to start rolling down the hill.
''Ummmm, hi!!!!!! Are you there? Are we almost done with this one?'' I was half way through set four when the guy had to come in to talk to me.
''You ok?''
''Not really, are we almost done I'm having a panic attack....or at least the start of one.''
''You have 1 minute left on this one, then we can take a break.''
(rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm. ticky ticky ticky tat, hmmmmmmm)
DONE!
Oh thank God. Get me out of this thing! I needed a mental break.
''I'm sorry. I have anxiety and claustrophobia and it has gotten to me. Can I take a break?''
''Sure.''
''Can I sit up?''
''No, the picture build on each other so if we move you right now we'd have to start over.''
''Ok, do I have to do the contrast today? Can I come back with someone to hold my hand and calm me? I usually take Xanex for this nerve racking stuff but had to drive myself.''
''Sure. You can come back. We don't want to stress you out this much.''
At this point a few tears were rolling down the sides of my face from the stress. Lord knows, I've been putting on the brave face for weeks now. The MRI is the culmination of the tests. The LAST one. And it's intimidating to be immobilized and helpless. Giving a vial of blood doesn't make me feel helpless, but this one hit the core of me. That vulnerable spot.
As the technician said, ''We have your brave meter turned up really high today.'' High? Yeah, that meter is about to break a coil from straining at the 'high' reading level.
''There is one more set, can you do it? I'll be right in there. They don't pay me near enough to watch people be tortured.'' as he squeezed my hand. God Bless this man for his bedside manner.
I got through that last set by shear will.
The good news. The radiologist may determine that I don't need the contrast tests and corresponding MRI based on what was already taken.
If I do, my husband will be there with me as I take that final round of scans. He held my hand on our wedding day and rubbed my thumbs to calm me during our vows, I know he will do it again to see me through.
The MRI is not a test for me, my anxiety or claustrophobia.
I was doing so well. Laying there listening to rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm. Little ticking noises at my head. My head that was immobilized with a cage around it! The Man in the Iron Mask kept coming to mind to my small amusement.
Sometime during the third series of pictures the technician came in to tell me, 'Hey, based on your family history of MS the radiologist wants to do the contrast.' Until that moment I'd kept it together, and then it got all to real. This was really happening. I could really have a serious, life changing disease.
Cue crazy snowball of worry to start rolling down the hill.
''Ummmm, hi!!!!!! Are you there? Are we almost done with this one?'' I was half way through set four when the guy had to come in to talk to me.
''You ok?''
''Not really, are we almost done I'm having a panic attack....or at least the start of one.''
''You have 1 minute left on this one, then we can take a break.''
(rat tat tat rat tat tat boommmmmmm. ticky ticky ticky tat, hmmmmmmm)
DONE!
Oh thank God. Get me out of this thing! I needed a mental break.
''I'm sorry. I have anxiety and claustrophobia and it has gotten to me. Can I take a break?''
''Sure.''
''Can I sit up?''
''No, the picture build on each other so if we move you right now we'd have to start over.''
''Ok, do I have to do the contrast today? Can I come back with someone to hold my hand and calm me? I usually take Xanex for this nerve racking stuff but had to drive myself.''
''Sure. You can come back. We don't want to stress you out this much.''
At this point a few tears were rolling down the sides of my face from the stress. Lord knows, I've been putting on the brave face for weeks now. The MRI is the culmination of the tests. The LAST one. And it's intimidating to be immobilized and helpless. Giving a vial of blood doesn't make me feel helpless, but this one hit the core of me. That vulnerable spot.
As the technician said, ''We have your brave meter turned up really high today.'' High? Yeah, that meter is about to break a coil from straining at the 'high' reading level.
''There is one more set, can you do it? I'll be right in there. They don't pay me near enough to watch people be tortured.'' as he squeezed my hand. God Bless this man for his bedside manner.
I got through that last set by shear will.
The good news. The radiologist may determine that I don't need the contrast tests and corresponding MRI based on what was already taken.
If I do, my husband will be there with me as I take that final round of scans. He held my hand on our wedding day and rubbed my thumbs to calm me during our vows, I know he will do it again to see me through.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Kid Commentary
Just a few things from the kids lately.
''Mommy, this princess dress has a hole. We need to go to the princess store to get another one.'' Lifting an eyebrow, ''The princess store? Where is there a princess store.?'' Nora smirked, ''On highway one!''
''Nora what happened to your arm!'' She was standing in front of me with a hideous bruise in the crook of her arm. My mind raced through the last 24 hrs to think of accident, nothing. The explanation I got, ''Brother bit me.'' WHAT! ''Brother bit me and then suck me like a fish!'' Bwahahaha! ''Trent gave you a hicky? He sucked on your arm?''......''It was like a fish!'' What kind of fish has my daughter been around!
I was in a cleaning frenzy before leaving for the trip and came upon the kids toilet depleted of water. Sigh....darn it, a plugged toilet! Is the plunger in here? Look left of toilet, nope...look right. You have GOT to be kidding me, as I stare at a trashcan filled with water. Floating pile of trash and a little plastic cup. I couldn't help the laughter, Trent had scooped all the water from the toilet. Ah, my son and his mischievous streak continues
''Mommy, this princess dress has a hole. We need to go to the princess store to get another one.'' Lifting an eyebrow, ''The princess store? Where is there a princess store.?'' Nora smirked, ''On highway one!''
''Nora what happened to your arm!'' She was standing in front of me with a hideous bruise in the crook of her arm. My mind raced through the last 24 hrs to think of accident, nothing. The explanation I got, ''Brother bit me.'' WHAT! ''Brother bit me and then suck me like a fish!'' Bwahahaha! ''Trent gave you a hicky? He sucked on your arm?''......''It was like a fish!'' What kind of fish has my daughter been around!
I was in a cleaning frenzy before leaving for the trip and came upon the kids toilet depleted of water. Sigh....darn it, a plugged toilet! Is the plunger in here? Look left of toilet, nope...look right. You have GOT to be kidding me, as I stare at a trashcan filled with water. Floating pile of trash and a little plastic cup. I couldn't help the laughter, Trent had scooped all the water from the toilet. Ah, my son and his mischievous streak continues
Traveling with Kids
We did the unthinkable and DROVE 1000 miles to Texas and back again with two kids. It was actually pretty awesome.
Traveling with small children does present some challenges.
Of course, we hadn't been on the road long before the 'mommy, I was a juice....momma, moooweee beez?'' started. Out came the snack and on went the movie, just to clarify what Trent was asking for.
There is the ''I have to go potty really bad!'' and you just happen to be in the middle of nowhere Mississippi. You drive down the road trying to ascertain the cleanliness of gas stations from the signs posted at exits. We were NOT catching a virus and taking the plague to Texas again this 4th of July. Garmin has a fabulous feature that can 'mark' places you pit stopped. We took note of the good, bad and ugly of them.
I think there were many fervant prayers for car naps so we could get that few extra miles down the road before the next stop. The naps were SHORT, most likely do to the inactivity of the car. More fascinating is a child's ability to stay awake late into the night. Nora road as Rich's sidekick until 11pm the first day we were driving to Texas.
Watching your toddler walk into the hotel at 11:15 at night bow legged from sitting in a carseat most of a 12 hr car ride. He collapsed into the bed with his sister and they snuggled together.
WHat? Wait! WHY are you awake! The 7am wake-up call from Nora the next morning honestly just made us angry, in that grumpy road-weary parental way. Lesson learned on what all that running around during the day does for kids...it makes them SLEEP!
Patience will wear thin for no reason other than the fact of being trapped in a car. Emotional claustrophobia of the worst kind because mommy and daddy can't take a mental break.
That all said, trips with the kids will get better. They won't need breaks as often. They will be able to get into the snacks on their own.
Mommy and daddy will get better about coordinating ideas and responsibility for travel and packing. How does it happen that the wife mommy gets to pack for everyone, including daddy? Oddly, my sister in law and her husband have the same issues. They get in horrible arguments while packing up the car for trips.
This is the problem. The MOMMY has to have access to all the items to insure happiness to each child. Invariably, daddy doesn't know about some of these because YOU are the mommy and it comes with the title. Do you have Trent's bebe? Yes. The green one? No the blue one. Ummm, we need the green one, he likes that one better. Daddy getting frustrated that what he did isn't right. Insert another dozen discussions like that over sunscreen, shampoo, car toys, snack selection, etc. What do you get? Mommy and daddy on the verge and not one mile has been traveled yet.
Even more fantastic....get on the road. ''Do we have everything?'' Yep. Have your sister call and randomly ask, ''Did you bring Rich's suit?'' &*@*&#@$@*#$ Not three miles from the house and we had to turn around!
Try to remember that anything forgotten can be bought while you are on the road, most likely for a high price at a seedy gas station!
Traveling with small children does present some challenges.
Of course, we hadn't been on the road long before the 'mommy, I was a juice....momma, moooweee beez?'' started. Out came the snack and on went the movie, just to clarify what Trent was asking for.
There is the ''I have to go potty really bad!'' and you just happen to be in the middle of nowhere Mississippi. You drive down the road trying to ascertain the cleanliness of gas stations from the signs posted at exits. We were NOT catching a virus and taking the plague to Texas again this 4th of July. Garmin has a fabulous feature that can 'mark' places you pit stopped. We took note of the good, bad and ugly of them.
I think there were many fervant prayers for car naps so we could get that few extra miles down the road before the next stop. The naps were SHORT, most likely do to the inactivity of the car. More fascinating is a child's ability to stay awake late into the night. Nora road as Rich's sidekick until 11pm the first day we were driving to Texas.
Watching your toddler walk into the hotel at 11:15 at night bow legged from sitting in a carseat most of a 12 hr car ride. He collapsed into the bed with his sister and they snuggled together.
WHat? Wait! WHY are you awake! The 7am wake-up call from Nora the next morning honestly just made us angry, in that grumpy road-weary parental way. Lesson learned on what all that running around during the day does for kids...it makes them SLEEP!
Patience will wear thin for no reason other than the fact of being trapped in a car. Emotional claustrophobia of the worst kind because mommy and daddy can't take a mental break.
That all said, trips with the kids will get better. They won't need breaks as often. They will be able to get into the snacks on their own.
Mommy and daddy will get better about coordinating ideas and responsibility for travel and packing. How does it happen that the wife mommy gets to pack for everyone, including daddy? Oddly, my sister in law and her husband have the same issues. They get in horrible arguments while packing up the car for trips.
This is the problem. The MOMMY has to have access to all the items to insure happiness to each child. Invariably, daddy doesn't know about some of these because YOU are the mommy and it comes with the title. Do you have Trent's bebe? Yes. The green one? No the blue one. Ummm, we need the green one, he likes that one better. Daddy getting frustrated that what he did isn't right. Insert another dozen discussions like that over sunscreen, shampoo, car toys, snack selection, etc. What do you get? Mommy and daddy on the verge and not one mile has been traveled yet.
Even more fantastic....get on the road. ''Do we have everything?'' Yep. Have your sister call and randomly ask, ''Did you bring Rich's suit?'' &*@*&#@$@*#$ Not three miles from the house and we had to turn around!
Try to remember that anything forgotten can be bought while you are on the road, most likely for a high price at a seedy gas station!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Well, hello again
I've been gone for a while. Sorry about that, traveling and a bunch of other chaos in our lives with all the medical stuff. Here is what we know right now.
1. I'm ANA positive (ananuclear antibodies) This means I HAVE an auto-immune disorder of some kind.
1. I'm ANA positive (ananuclear antibodies) This means I HAVE an auto-immune disorder of some kind.
2. I am Vit. D deficient at a 27. The normal range is 50-100.
3. My thyroid is elevated at a 3.9....normal is 1-3.0.
Dr. Parmen feels better/less worried about me than when he saw me two weeks ago. He that Vit. D deficiency can cause muscle aches and fatigue but my levels are not low enough to cause what I'm describing. Vit. D is absorbed in the small intestine and I'm missing a part of mine so that might be the cause. I am now taking a prescription vit. D with extra calcium.
As far as the ANA is concerned. The ANA cells are antibodies/rogue cells that the body creates to attack itself when it thinks there is a foreign body present. In the case of thyroidosis, they could be attacking my thyroid. In MS, they attack nerve endings. In Lupus, they attack organs. The ANA can indicate about 20 different auto-immune diseases. The 'speckled' pattern that I had indicated Lupus and about five other things are most likely. The speckled pattern happens when the blood dries on a slide.
I have the electroneural test on Friday that will measure the nerve impulses from my spine to my extremities. They will be able to determine if my myolothial sheath around my nerve center is being attacked. This happens with MS in most cases and a few other nervous system auto-immune diseases.
They took about 7 more big vials of blood and a urine sample. They are looking for Lyme disease(from a tick bite) since we did grow up in an area of the country with ticks. The other vials are doing deeper testing on my thyroid, blood protiens and a few other things I didn't get details on.
My right hand has been xrayed because of the pain I'm have in my pinky fingers' knuckle. It's been there for 6+ wks and isn't getting better. It's an 'odd' digit to be hurt according to Dr. Parmen.
I have an full body MRI scheduled for July 19th.
In good news, my bad cholestorol is down 50 pts from two years ago. Parmen says this proves I'm not 'lying' about good eating and exercise, that a number doesn't drop like that on it's own. (It went from 225 to 175)
The joints are very achy these days and I have a slightly stiff neck besides the fatigue that is always there. Just taking one day at a time and getting done what I can. My first priority has to be the kids so most of my energy goes there.
Thanks to everyone thinking about me!
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