I'm comfort eating lately. Which beats the alternative of not eating, another response my body has to upset or anxiety. Though the meds or anxiety seem to be eating fat cells, I'm about 2 lbs under pre-pregnancy weight right now.
Carbs. I want carbs in large insulin spiking proportions that would horrify any doctor. You name it cake, cookies, muffins, or donuts. (Note: the baking experiment three days ago...the cake is already GONE.)
Is it bad to sneak bites of chocolaty goodness hoping the preschooler doesn't catch you? Catching me would mean sharing...boo!
It doesn't really help either that I find cooking and baking a zen experience for my soul. All those smells and textures just hit the happy sensor in my brain.
Then there was last night.
I looked at Rich and said, 'I am craving BAD food, like cake! This is so frustrating.'
Rich, 'Well, go make a cake.'
Me, ' OHhhhhh. I have cherry cobbler yogurt!''
I go downstairs, open the fridge and stare at my choices....Black Forest Cake or Cherry Cobbler? Cherry Cobbler it is! And wow that's only 100 calories. This is ironic solving my cake craving with cake flavored yogurt. Ehhh, it works.
Did I just do a commercial in my head. Son of a gun, the Yoplait marketing people know what they're doing.
And maybe tomorrow I'll make a real cake.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Quick Notes
This equals a drive by posting as some of my PP sisters would say.
Been thinking. A lot about just leaving the landscape design behind me. Starting over and not looking back. I've woken up the past couple nights just thinking about it. Write ideas in journal, go back to sleep. Does anyone else wish there was some assurance before you took a leap? More than just faith, but a policy you could take out.
____________________________________________-
Nora took her craft scissors to her hair today...sigh. It was only a little snip in the under growth but I'm debating a major haircut. The only way to explain why we don't cut our hair...because if you want long hair like Rapunzel you can't cut it.
_________________________________________________
Trent fell off the changing table tonight. Landed smack flat on his sister's bathroom stool. Prompting many phone calls to the Nonni, to Rich's sister who has experience with this, and to the Pediatric Urgent Care Nurse line. All votes say if he's acting right, he's ok. The little dude was still laughing, playing and scooterooing before bed. Check! Now, to wake him up again in three hours, play with him convince him to go back to sleep.
_________________________________________
Nora told me, 'mommy I have an owie on my fum(thumb). It's going to worse and worse and bleed and bleed and ruin the whole world.'' Exagerrate much?
__________________________________________________________
Trent went for his 9 mth checkup on Monday. He's 20lbs 8oz., only up 2 oz. since December. Must be all that scooterooing burning calories. He's short at only 27.75". Half an inch shorter than Nora at this age and he was an inch longer at birth. As Nora says, COME ON buddy! GO GO!...
Been thinking. A lot about just leaving the landscape design behind me. Starting over and not looking back. I've woken up the past couple nights just thinking about it. Write ideas in journal, go back to sleep. Does anyone else wish there was some assurance before you took a leap? More than just faith, but a policy you could take out.
____________________________________________-
Nora took her craft scissors to her hair today...sigh. It was only a little snip in the under growth but I'm debating a major haircut. The only way to explain why we don't cut our hair...because if you want long hair like Rapunzel you can't cut it.
_________________________________________________
Trent fell off the changing table tonight. Landed smack flat on his sister's bathroom stool. Prompting many phone calls to the Nonni, to Rich's sister who has experience with this, and to the Pediatric Urgent Care Nurse line. All votes say if he's acting right, he's ok. The little dude was still laughing, playing and scooterooing before bed. Check! Now, to wake him up again in three hours, play with him convince him to go back to sleep.
_________________________________________
Nora told me, 'mommy I have an owie on my fum(thumb). It's going to worse and worse and bleed and bleed and ruin the whole world.'' Exagerrate much?
__________________________________________________________
Trent went for his 9 mth checkup on Monday. He's 20lbs 8oz., only up 2 oz. since December. Must be all that scooterooing burning calories. He's short at only 27.75". Half an inch shorter than Nora at this age and he was an inch longer at birth. As Nora says, COME ON buddy! GO GO!...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Cherry Cordial Pound Cake
Another day, another baking experiment!
Cherry Cordial Pound Cake
1 c. butter
2 c. white sugar
2 eggs
1 c. sour cream
1 tsp. almond extract
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2 c. white flour
2c. frozen cherries(cut in quarters tossed in 1/4 c. flour)
1/2 c. mini chocolate chips.
Optional - 1/2 c. sliced almonds.
1. Cream butter, sugar and eggs until smooth in mixer.
2. Add in sour cream, almond extract, backing powder and salt....mix for 5 minutes on med.
3. Mix in flour and mini chocolate chips.
4. Toss frozen cherry pieces in 1/4 flour, this keeps it from sinking to the bottom of the pan when it bakes. Fold frozen cherries into dough. Because they are frozen it will make the dough very stiff, that's ok.
5. Put dough in buttered and sugar coated bundt pan, bake at 350 for 1 hr. OR make into muffins and cook for 20 mins.
Cherry Cordial Pound Cake
1 c. butter
2 c. white sugar
2 eggs
1 c. sour cream
1 tsp. almond extract
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2 c. white flour
2c. frozen cherries(cut in quarters tossed in 1/4 c. flour)
1/2 c. mini chocolate chips.
Optional - 1/2 c. sliced almonds.
1. Cream butter, sugar and eggs until smooth in mixer.
2. Add in sour cream, almond extract, backing powder and salt....mix for 5 minutes on med.
3. Mix in flour and mini chocolate chips.
4. Toss frozen cherry pieces in 1/4 flour, this keeps it from sinking to the bottom of the pan when it bakes. Fold frozen cherries into dough. Because they are frozen it will make the dough very stiff, that's ok.
5. Put dough in buttered and sugar coated bundt pan, bake at 350 for 1 hr. OR make into muffins and cook for 20 mins.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Flame Resistant Baby?
These questions played in my head as I stared at this attached to Trent's pj's:
I'm a little concerned about a tag on my sons clothes that states 'flame resistant.'
On the days my parenting skills are tested to the limits, I'm pretty sure my 9 mth old will not be playing with fire or matches.
Are they concerned with crawling speed? I can assure you he's faster than a turtle, but carpet to tummy friction ratio is not excessive.
Pretty certain he doesn't have super powers. Although, sister would love it if baby brother was an Incredible.
Is this in case he actually bites a power cord or sticks a finger in a socket? Like a lightening rod to ground him from the current.
While stories of the epic diaper do get told, they do not cause spontaneous combustion. No matter how much the parent gifted with that change would like.
WHO is on the product research panels at Carter's? A concern or comment from a test group warranted this?
I'm a little concerned about a tag on my sons clothes that states 'flame resistant.'
On the days my parenting skills are tested to the limits, I'm pretty sure my 9 mth old will not be playing with fire or matches.
Are they concerned with crawling speed? I can assure you he's faster than a turtle, but carpet to tummy friction ratio is not excessive.
Pretty certain he doesn't have super powers. Although, sister would love it if baby brother was an Incredible.
Is this in case he actually bites a power cord or sticks a finger in a socket? Like a lightening rod to ground him from the current.
While stories of the epic diaper do get told, they do not cause spontaneous combustion. No matter how much the parent gifted with that change would like.
WHO is on the product research panels at Carter's? A concern or comment from a test group warranted this?
Friday, March 25, 2011
Evil Princess Locket of Purple Doom
All the laundry was done. Even the sheets on all the beds. This being accomplished before the weekend is a major accomplishment.
I was ahead of myself, what do I do with such a large amount of spare time?
The dryer decided to task me.
Open dryer this morning to find jeans for husband. Why do I smell grape? My dryer sheets do not smell like grape!
Groan....find locket lipstick necklace of Nora's. Good morning Belle, Cinderella, and Aurora , did you have a nice ride in my dryer? I see you got motion sick and yacked all over the master bedroom sheets.
Grape lipstick, do you by any chance know how to get that out?
Cinderella, surely your cleaning skills cover this? Purple splotches are just not going to do. No, I do not have any mice that need new clothes. If there were that many mice to clothe, this would be the least of my problems.
Hmmmm.
Aurora, any ideas? Magic fairies you say. I guess you do have a technicolor dress that randomly changes color. Blue, pink, blue, pink, blue, pink. You know you could have settled on purple? If you mix those two it makes this greyish purple on the sheets. Oh wait, maybe that's the magic that happened here! Stinking fairies.
I see you are of no help.
Belle, your turn. A book? I don't think this is covered in 'The Dummies Guide to Housewifery.' Yeah, the husbands sort of going to be a beast about this. Your married now right so I can be straight? The grape smell, not a seductive smell. Really doesn't say 'come hither' if you get my drift. Maybe if I was married to the Kool-Aid Man this would work.
Sigh....I guess I'm on my own. Maybe the magic wand of Shout will banish the purple from my domestic kingdom.
I was ahead of myself, what do I do with such a large amount of spare time?
The dryer decided to task me.
Open dryer this morning to find jeans for husband. Why do I smell grape? My dryer sheets do not smell like grape!
Groan....find locket lipstick necklace of Nora's. Good morning Belle, Cinderella, and Aurora , did you have a nice ride in my dryer? I see you got motion sick and yacked all over the master bedroom sheets.
Grape lipstick, do you by any chance know how to get that out?
Cinderella, surely your cleaning skills cover this? Purple splotches are just not going to do. No, I do not have any mice that need new clothes. If there were that many mice to clothe, this would be the least of my problems.
Hmmmm.
Aurora, any ideas? Magic fairies you say. I guess you do have a technicolor dress that randomly changes color. Blue, pink, blue, pink, blue, pink. You know you could have settled on purple? If you mix those two it makes this greyish purple on the sheets. Oh wait, maybe that's the magic that happened here! Stinking fairies.
I see you are of no help.
Belle, your turn. A book? I don't think this is covered in 'The Dummies Guide to Housewifery.' Yeah, the husbands sort of going to be a beast about this. Your married now right so I can be straight? The grape smell, not a seductive smell. Really doesn't say 'come hither' if you get my drift. Maybe if I was married to the Kool-Aid Man this would work.
Sigh....I guess I'm on my own. Maybe the magic wand of Shout will banish the purple from my domestic kingdom.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Too Smart
Just a couple from Nora. We are in big trouble if she's this smart already.
I've mentioned before that we are making her eat new foods. This was tonights conversation.
Rich: 'Nora, you need to eat your chicken. Two bites ok?''
Nora, ''Daddy? You cut one in half?''
Oh dear! She already knows math!
(This reminded of a story mom tells about Allison. Allison was told she had to eat 'x' because she was a big girl now (4 yrs old). She looked at my mom and said, ''I should of stayed 3.'')
______________________________________-
Earlier on the driveway she was playing chase with Rich.
Nora, ''daddy, daddy stop! You getting too close to the street.''
Rich stops.
Nora runs up 'Tag you are IT!'
Rich said he was astonished at her trickery....then she did this.
Rich, 'Nora your turn to be it.
Nora, 'No daddy, no daddy you chase me.'
Rich, 'Ok.'' Rich goes towards her. Gets to her she sticks out her arm 'You're IT!'
She got her daddy twice through mind games! We have a smarty on our hands.
I've mentioned before that we are making her eat new foods. This was tonights conversation.
Rich: 'Nora, you need to eat your chicken. Two bites ok?''
Nora, ''Daddy? You cut one in half?''
Oh dear! She already knows math!
(This reminded of a story mom tells about Allison. Allison was told she had to eat 'x' because she was a big girl now (4 yrs old). She looked at my mom and said, ''I should of stayed 3.'')
______________________________________-
Earlier on the driveway she was playing chase with Rich.
Nora, ''daddy, daddy stop! You getting too close to the street.''
Rich stops.
Nora runs up 'Tag you are IT!'
Rich said he was astonished at her trickery....then she did this.
Rich, 'Nora your turn to be it.
Nora, 'No daddy, no daddy you chase me.'
Rich, 'Ok.'' Rich goes towards her. Gets to her she sticks out her arm 'You're IT!'
She got her daddy twice through mind games! We have a smarty on our hands.
Session #5 - The Other Path
Ugh...So the whole anxiety attack thing happened again last weekend. NOT nearly as bad as the previous two times. As Rich says, I was functional this time, could get stuff done, just really zoned out. Hooray for that.
It was like clockwork, 30 days from the last time. Needless to say we have decided to go seek the advice of my OB since at this point I'm pretty convinced the 'crazy' times are hormonally driven.
There is sadness, anger, resolution, then the happy comes back. So much like the grieving process. With each venture into my past or brain comes an explosion of 'ah ha!' moments. The moments are random....ways I've disappointed myself, expectations I've set, fears I have....one by one Ann and I are checking them off the list.
Ann asked me several questions this week or made commentary on her observations. (Until now she had been just listening a lot)
What do I like to do?
Some of the most content artists love their work and don't care what other people think. (I have to deal with clients, that could hate what I draw)
It sounds like I'm a square peg, trying to fit into a round hole. ( A little cliche, but to use another one...I'm the black sheep of the family so this makes sense)
Your path in life can not be your parents. Do you have to be as successful to be happy with yourself. How do you measure YOUR happiness.
That last one made the most sense to me. When I posted 'Big Shoes in a Small Town' I was coming around the bend to this thought.
I left yesterday's session with a lot on my mind about a different path. How I could make it my own, do something completely different than anyone else in the family. Creativity and artist define me the best.
My mom has often encouraged me to paint murals, or pictures for people.
I love sewing baby things, curtains, bedspreads.
Rich says I could write a cookbook because he thinks I rock in the kitchen.
I like writing and reading a LOT.
Photos...oh how I love taking photos.
The other path is somewhere in the list and it's moving me toward a break. I'm trying fork off the family tree, trying to be a different cultivar, but take the best of my parentage with me.
It was like clockwork, 30 days from the last time. Needless to say we have decided to go seek the advice of my OB since at this point I'm pretty convinced the 'crazy' times are hormonally driven.
There is sadness, anger, resolution, then the happy comes back. So much like the grieving process. With each venture into my past or brain comes an explosion of 'ah ha!' moments. The moments are random....ways I've disappointed myself, expectations I've set, fears I have....one by one Ann and I are checking them off the list.
Ann asked me several questions this week or made commentary on her observations. (Until now she had been just listening a lot)
What do I like to do?
Some of the most content artists love their work and don't care what other people think. (I have to deal with clients, that could hate what I draw)
It sounds like I'm a square peg, trying to fit into a round hole. ( A little cliche, but to use another one...I'm the black sheep of the family so this makes sense)
Your path in life can not be your parents. Do you have to be as successful to be happy with yourself. How do you measure YOUR happiness.
That last one made the most sense to me. When I posted 'Big Shoes in a Small Town' I was coming around the bend to this thought.
I left yesterday's session with a lot on my mind about a different path. How I could make it my own, do something completely different than anyone else in the family. Creativity and artist define me the best.
My mom has often encouraged me to paint murals, or pictures for people.
I love sewing baby things, curtains, bedspreads.
Rich says I could write a cookbook because he thinks I rock in the kitchen.
I like writing and reading a LOT.
Photos...oh how I love taking photos.
The other path is somewhere in the list and it's moving me toward a break. I'm trying fork off the family tree, trying to be a different cultivar, but take the best of my parentage with me.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Good Things
I'm really starting to enjoy these lists of the good things.
1. Rich came home at 545 last night. I was so tired. I asked him not to mow, just take the kids and he did.
2. We had my all time comfort food for dinner - meatloaf. Looking forward to leftovers for lunch.
3. Nora's molluscum is getting it's but KICKED by the Zymaderm. Unfortunately, it's appeared on Trent too, so two kiddos to rub down twice a day.
4. I vacuumed the whole house in the last two days. And got all the laundry done.
5. I have no plans on my desk right now. I have two clients tomorrow. The landscaper I work for 90% of the time rocks and is completely understanding of what all is going on.
6. We actually have a PLAN for the veggie garden this year and it will get done.
7. I've fallen asleep on the couch two nights in a row on my own, no meds. This is progress for my insomniac brain. Lay on couch under comfy blanket, listen to instrumental music and relax. BAM, out like a light.
8. The cookie dough in the fridge that isn't getting baked...guilty pleasure #1 right now.
1. Rich came home at 545 last night. I was so tired. I asked him not to mow, just take the kids and he did.
2. We had my all time comfort food for dinner - meatloaf. Looking forward to leftovers for lunch.
3. Nora's molluscum is getting it's but KICKED by the Zymaderm. Unfortunately, it's appeared on Trent too, so two kiddos to rub down twice a day.
4. I vacuumed the whole house in the last two days. And got all the laundry done.
5. I have no plans on my desk right now. I have two clients tomorrow. The landscaper I work for 90% of the time rocks and is completely understanding of what all is going on.
6. We actually have a PLAN for the veggie garden this year and it will get done.
7. I've fallen asleep on the couch two nights in a row on my own, no meds. This is progress for my insomniac brain. Lay on couch under comfy blanket, listen to instrumental music and relax. BAM, out like a light.
8. The cookie dough in the fridge that isn't getting baked...guilty pleasure #1 right now.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Go Big or Go Home
This is a bit of a joke between Rich and I. Seems like the family motto some days.
Trent out did us all on this one today.
Last week he started not eating right. I thought fine, ok you're getting some new teeth.
At some point as the week progressed, I mentioned to Rich that his lack of eating was starting to make me think something was up. Rich's response, 'Call the ped...we haven't given them a co-pay in a while.'
We both laughed and said it was probably just teething.
The weekend came, we were busy. Housecleaning, tennis, more cleaning, little bit a work. Trent was going with the flow as always.
I know at some point on Saturday his temp was about 99.6....meh the second time mom said...''teething fever'' I was even talking to my mom about this because Callie my niece was exhibiting the same signs. (Cari and Pat were off skiing, Mimi and Poppie in charge!)
Then today happened.
Trent ate only 3 oz. of his morning bottle after not eating all night. His diaper was barely wet when he woke up. No temp. Got everybody packed up and ready. Nora to preschool, Trent to daycare.
Offhandedly, told Maria that Trent was just not eating much so not to worry about it. I get back at 12:30 and he hadn't eaten a THING. Not one bite of food, not one drop of formula. Time to call the ped.
Make appointment. Get there, get stupidly nervous about crying wolf again about an ear infection. Dr. Ho cleans out Trent's very waxy left ear and peers in ''oh yeah, that's ones infected.'' Cleans out the other ear, ''yep that one too! I would have never guessed.'' Trent had been a perfectly smiley, happy guy the entire exam.
Double ear infection it is! And if you are gonna have one sleep through the night, don't fuss about it and suck it up is T's motto.
Hope little guy feels better soon.
Trent out did us all on this one today.
Last week he started not eating right. I thought fine, ok you're getting some new teeth.
At some point as the week progressed, I mentioned to Rich that his lack of eating was starting to make me think something was up. Rich's response, 'Call the ped...we haven't given them a co-pay in a while.'
We both laughed and said it was probably just teething.
The weekend came, we were busy. Housecleaning, tennis, more cleaning, little bit a work. Trent was going with the flow as always.
I know at some point on Saturday his temp was about 99.6....meh the second time mom said...''teething fever'' I was even talking to my mom about this because Callie my niece was exhibiting the same signs. (Cari and Pat were off skiing, Mimi and Poppie in charge!)
Then today happened.
Trent ate only 3 oz. of his morning bottle after not eating all night. His diaper was barely wet when he woke up. No temp. Got everybody packed up and ready. Nora to preschool, Trent to daycare.
Offhandedly, told Maria that Trent was just not eating much so not to worry about it. I get back at 12:30 and he hadn't eaten a THING. Not one bite of food, not one drop of formula. Time to call the ped.
Make appointment. Get there, get stupidly nervous about crying wolf again about an ear infection. Dr. Ho cleans out Trent's very waxy left ear and peers in ''oh yeah, that's ones infected.'' Cleans out the other ear, ''yep that one too! I would have never guessed.'' Trent had been a perfectly smiley, happy guy the entire exam.
Double ear infection it is! And if you are gonna have one sleep through the night, don't fuss about it and suck it up is T's motto.
Hope little guy feels better soon.
You May Be an Introvert if.....
These are the things the book lists as introvert characteristics. The more you check off, the more introverted you are.
When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time alone or with one or two close people rather than with a group
When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks
I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself
In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk. (except when I'm nervous in a social situation, I talk so I don't feel the tension of silence.)
People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, stand offish or calm
I like to share special occasions with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations
I usually need to think before I respond or speak.
I tend to notice details many people don't see.
If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air. (I literally have my skin crawling if I sense tension between people)
If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.
I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project. (Ironically, once I get working I feel I do my best work under pressure)
I can 'zone out' if too much is going on. (I will be looking right at you with glazed eyes, then have to ask you to repeat everything you just said)
I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join it.
I form lasting relationships. (a few close friends, rather than a lot.)
I don't like to interrupt others, I don't like to be interrupted. ( I interrupt people to make sure I'm seen or heard, fear of being invisible.)
When I take in lots of information, it takes me a while to sort it out.
I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters.
I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc. (a lot of nostagia/memories lie here for me)
I am creative or imaginative.
I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy them. (I feel the need to talk a lot, to keep conversation going...most people see this as extroverted...more like nervous talking)
I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others. (my wedding speech...that was a total nightmare for me to stand in front)
I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long.
I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings. (more like a new job or meeting group of people...new places like vacation I'm fine with)
I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long.
I often dread returning phone calls (yeah, this is completely me)
I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people.or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly. (social anxiety)
I talk slowly or have gaps, especially if I'm trying to speak and think at once. (why I can't argue effectively)
I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends. (If I don't talk to you often, you probably fall into this category)
I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.
Other people may surprise me by thinking I'm smarter than I think I am. (Rich constantly tells me I should write a cookbook..I'm not good at taking compliments.)
When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time alone or with one or two close people rather than with a group
When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks
I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself
In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk. (except when I'm nervous in a social situation, I talk so I don't feel the tension of silence.)
People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, stand offish or calm
I like to share special occasions with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations
I usually need to think before I respond or speak.
I tend to notice details many people don't see.
If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air. (I literally have my skin crawling if I sense tension between people)
If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.
I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project. (Ironically, once I get working I feel I do my best work under pressure)
I can 'zone out' if too much is going on. (I will be looking right at you with glazed eyes, then have to ask you to repeat everything you just said)
I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join it.
I form lasting relationships. (a few close friends, rather than a lot.)
I don't like to interrupt others, I don't like to be interrupted. ( I interrupt people to make sure I'm seen or heard, fear of being invisible.)
When I take in lots of information, it takes me a while to sort it out.
I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters.
I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc. (a lot of nostagia/memories lie here for me)
I am creative or imaginative.
I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy them. (I feel the need to talk a lot, to keep conversation going...most people see this as extroverted...more like nervous talking)
I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others. (my wedding speech...that was a total nightmare for me to stand in front)
I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long.
I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings. (more like a new job or meeting group of people...new places like vacation I'm fine with)
I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long.
I often dread returning phone calls (yeah, this is completely me)
I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people.or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly. (social anxiety)
I talk slowly or have gaps, especially if I'm trying to speak and think at once. (why I can't argue effectively)
I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends. (If I don't talk to you often, you probably fall into this category)
I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.
Other people may surprise me by thinking I'm smarter than I think I am. (Rich constantly tells me I should write a cookbook..I'm not good at taking compliments.)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Big Shoes in a Small Town
I grew up in a small town(25k people) between San Antonio and Austin. The family joke has always been we settled there in 1845 and never left. It seems most close and extended family members get drawn back home.
I think a lot about home. What it means. The WHY of the urge to move back.
Most of the why is for family. The closest friends I have from growing up live near home. There's the part of me that misses the people who really know me. A positive.
Then there's the uglier part of the positive. The expectations that come with everyone knowing your name. My maiden name is synonymous with the ideas of ground breakers, history makers, socialites, and honors. Moms maiden name is also well known for the same reasons.
Ann and I talked about the pressures of expectation several weeks back. This drive in me that says I have to BE somebody, BE important to succeed and not in the normal way. Based on the family's path forging new business, selling large land deals, surveying the state of Texas, arguing in the Capitol for a bill, being friends with a future president...those are some of the benchmarks for success.
When I went to college at Texas Tech, it was to get away from all the people that bullied me in high school. The pressures followed though. Make good grades, be involved as a pillar of the university..make a mark. I conformed. Graduated valedictorian. Was a college recruiter. Secretary, Vice-president, and president of my business sorority.
Do, do do...go, go go. Shape up, act like the rest of society. Come out of my shell.
I escaped again. Moved to Atlanta. To make a name for myself. Not get handed a job because of who my family was. Now ten years later I don't know exactly what my name means anymore or what I truly want to do with life. (other than being a wife and mom) You can't exactly be well-known in a town of 4 million people, like you could in a town that's now 40k people.
The contradiction in my childhood expectations and the introvert personality is a trigger. If I'm only extroverted when surrounded by family and friends, and the 'innie' in me wants to hide....
How do I fill big shoes, in a quiet way?
I think a lot about home. What it means. The WHY of the urge to move back.
Most of the why is for family. The closest friends I have from growing up live near home. There's the part of me that misses the people who really know me. A positive.
Then there's the uglier part of the positive. The expectations that come with everyone knowing your name. My maiden name is synonymous with the ideas of ground breakers, history makers, socialites, and honors. Moms maiden name is also well known for the same reasons.
Ann and I talked about the pressures of expectation several weeks back. This drive in me that says I have to BE somebody, BE important to succeed and not in the normal way. Based on the family's path forging new business, selling large land deals, surveying the state of Texas, arguing in the Capitol for a bill, being friends with a future president...those are some of the benchmarks for success.
When I went to college at Texas Tech, it was to get away from all the people that bullied me in high school. The pressures followed though. Make good grades, be involved as a pillar of the university..make a mark. I conformed. Graduated valedictorian. Was a college recruiter. Secretary, Vice-president, and president of my business sorority.
Do, do do...go, go go. Shape up, act like the rest of society. Come out of my shell.
I escaped again. Moved to Atlanta. To make a name for myself. Not get handed a job because of who my family was. Now ten years later I don't know exactly what my name means anymore or what I truly want to do with life. (other than being a wife and mom) You can't exactly be well-known in a town of 4 million people, like you could in a town that's now 40k people.
The contradiction in my childhood expectations and the introvert personality is a trigger. If I'm only extroverted when surrounded by family and friends, and the 'innie' in me wants to hide....
How do I fill big shoes, in a quiet way?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Things I'm Loving Right Now about Nora
I liked my list from Sunday so much here's another one, solely for my original muncharoo.
1. Painting my toes red on the driveway with Nora. Her making me paint her fingers two.
2. Telling her we had to lay like broccoli to let our nails dry. Her telling me, 'Mommy, I lay like Nora Paige ok? I not broccoli, silly'
3. Spelling out dinosaur names like Dimorphodon and Allasaurus at bedtime. So ungirly, but such a fun way to teach her letters.
4. Her wearing my red shoes on the driveway and daddy's GT hat will sitting on her bike. She told me she was a cowboy. The cowboy then protected the princess(me) lying on the blanket from all the beetles on the driveway. She would take off one of my shoes and smush the box elder beetles.
5. She ate pepperoni last night! First she licked it. Then said..mmmmm and asked for lots. We didn't realize how serious she was. I think she consumed about 12 pieces. BIG move in her no meat eating. Not the healthiest but I'll take it.
6. Going spring flower shopping and letting her pick the flowers to put in pots. (marigolds, petunias and a jasmine vine)
7. That she loves feeding her brother lunch. Then tells him to take big bites.
There might be more to add later today or tomorrow.
1. Painting my toes red on the driveway with Nora. Her making me paint her fingers two.
2. Telling her we had to lay like broccoli to let our nails dry. Her telling me, 'Mommy, I lay like Nora Paige ok? I not broccoli, silly'
3. Spelling out dinosaur names like Dimorphodon and Allasaurus at bedtime. So ungirly, but such a fun way to teach her letters.
4. Her wearing my red shoes on the driveway and daddy's GT hat will sitting on her bike. She told me she was a cowboy. The cowboy then protected the princess(me) lying on the blanket from all the beetles on the driveway. She would take off one of my shoes and smush the box elder beetles.
5. She ate pepperoni last night! First she licked it. Then said..mmmmm and asked for lots. We didn't realize how serious she was. I think she consumed about 12 pieces. BIG move in her no meat eating. Not the healthiest but I'll take it.
6. Going spring flower shopping and letting her pick the flowers to put in pots. (marigolds, petunias and a jasmine vine)
7. That she loves feeding her brother lunch. Then tells him to take big bites.
There might be more to add later today or tomorrow.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Session #4 - Triggers and Overstimulation.
Lots of things to talk about this week.
One, Ann is a psychotherapist, not a psychologist. There's a big difference. Ann can be my bestie, my sounding board, see me at my worst, and be a guide. Ann can not prescribe me meds, offer any advice on dosages, or change them.
Good to know. (Thank you Cari for telling me to ask that question.)
Two, going to the doctor with your 8.5 mth old in tow to discuss prescription dosages, that's live experiment drug testing right there. How many times can mommy distract that baby, multi-task, answer questions over screaming baby. CHECK - the meds are working. Sanity was not lost.
Three, what triggers anxiety. Ann has asked me to on identifying the moment the anxiety starts. I can say. Watching a 6.5 min. video on youtube of the tsunami disaster sweeping away a whole town, a town your cousins family happens to be in at the time....Not. A. Good. Idea. That triggered an anxiety tsunami in my brain. I distracted myself with picking some stuff up around the toy room and got myself back to normal,(without meds!) in about 30 mins.
Four, and it's a big four. Ann has me reading the most awesome book, 'The Introvert Advantage.' Just wow. This book had me after the 4 page preface.
Just a few thoughts.
The book talks a lot about introverts and how they draw energy or recharge themselves. The introvert inherently needs solitude, quiet. This would explain the long hours I would spend arrowhead hunting growing up, away from the family party happening at the ranch. It also explains the hours of painting in a quiet place. Or getting lost in books. These three things are my core desensitizing activities.
Now, put that in mommy terms. There is NO me time, always doing for someone else, being asked questions.
The book also puts forth the idea of overstimulation in the introvert. When something or an experience is too much. Think of these things as concerts, fairs, big parties where you would be expected to mingle a lot. I actually detest all three of the previous things, now I know why. The introvert gets worn out keeping up with all the extroverts that actually draw energy from these experiences.
Best example I can come up with...I like really long walks, in the woods where it's peaceful, it makes my soul very content to relax against the blowing of the wind and rays of the sun. An extrovert would like a really long walk in New York City where they can feel the tension, excitment, the frantic vibe of life around them.
Does that make sense?
Put all this in day to day terms for me. I wake up to voices crying mommy, asking for milk, asking for cartoons. Then I listen all day to Dora, Super Why, crying, whining, laughing, screeches of joy. And I get climbed on, hugged, kissed constantly by one of the two kids. Stimulus, stimulus...by 4pm most days I'm frazzled. My brain and nervous system are overloaded.
I remember back in January right before the first episode of panic attacks. Nora's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, I just couldn't hear 'mommy' one more time. I recall yelling at her to 'get off me' one night on the couch. Every inch of my skin was crawling when she touched me. My body was trying to tell me what it needed.
It needed SPACE.
But how do you find space in a job like mommy that is so hands on? Children are naturally extroverted, especially at the ages of mine. As Ann said yesterday, it's not like mommy can take a time out.
If rules are good for children, then there are new rules for me too.
One, the tv does not go on in this house before 2pm. Most days that's not a problem because Nora's at preschool MWF from 9-1pm. The childrens programming goes off at 4pm. We can chose to listen to the music channel, Silver Screen(822) which is nothing but instrumental music scores. The kids watch cartoons with daddy in the evening when I'm washing dishes downstairs and finishing up random chores for the day - this equates to about an hour more of tv.
Two, we go outside everyday. We can play on the driveway, go on a walk, swing, etc. I put a big quilt out for Trent and me to lay on. I rest, absorb sunshine.
Three, Rich comes home earlier. Takes the kids so I can cook dinner in peace. Cooking is also a relaxation, stress outlet for the highly creative side of me.
Four, one day a week when Nora is at preschool I take Trent to a drop in daycare. It seems that Wednesdays work best for this. I get that middle week recharge of 'me' time. The me time normally consists of working on plans, random errands, blogging or reading.
The new rules for me trigger a feeling of being centered, in control in a very extroverted world. There will always be negative triggers for me, the idea now is to find positive triggers.
One, Ann is a psychotherapist, not a psychologist. There's a big difference. Ann can be my bestie, my sounding board, see me at my worst, and be a guide. Ann can not prescribe me meds, offer any advice on dosages, or change them.
Good to know. (Thank you Cari for telling me to ask that question.)
Two, going to the doctor with your 8.5 mth old in tow to discuss prescription dosages, that's live experiment drug testing right there. How many times can mommy distract that baby, multi-task, answer questions over screaming baby. CHECK - the meds are working. Sanity was not lost.
Three, what triggers anxiety. Ann has asked me to on identifying the moment the anxiety starts. I can say. Watching a 6.5 min. video on youtube of the tsunami disaster sweeping away a whole town, a town your cousins family happens to be in at the time....Not. A. Good. Idea. That triggered an anxiety tsunami in my brain. I distracted myself with picking some stuff up around the toy room and got myself back to normal,(without meds!) in about 30 mins.
Four, and it's a big four. Ann has me reading the most awesome book, 'The Introvert Advantage.' Just wow. This book had me after the 4 page preface.
Just a few thoughts.
The book talks a lot about introverts and how they draw energy or recharge themselves. The introvert inherently needs solitude, quiet. This would explain the long hours I would spend arrowhead hunting growing up, away from the family party happening at the ranch. It also explains the hours of painting in a quiet place. Or getting lost in books. These three things are my core desensitizing activities.
Now, put that in mommy terms. There is NO me time, always doing for someone else, being asked questions.
The book also puts forth the idea of overstimulation in the introvert. When something or an experience is too much. Think of these things as concerts, fairs, big parties where you would be expected to mingle a lot. I actually detest all three of the previous things, now I know why. The introvert gets worn out keeping up with all the extroverts that actually draw energy from these experiences.
Best example I can come up with...I like really long walks, in the woods where it's peaceful, it makes my soul very content to relax against the blowing of the wind and rays of the sun. An extrovert would like a really long walk in New York City where they can feel the tension, excitment, the frantic vibe of life around them.
Does that make sense?
Put all this in day to day terms for me. I wake up to voices crying mommy, asking for milk, asking for cartoons. Then I listen all day to Dora, Super Why, crying, whining, laughing, screeches of joy. And I get climbed on, hugged, kissed constantly by one of the two kids. Stimulus, stimulus...by 4pm most days I'm frazzled. My brain and nervous system are overloaded.
I remember back in January right before the first episode of panic attacks. Nora's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, I just couldn't hear 'mommy' one more time. I recall yelling at her to 'get off me' one night on the couch. Every inch of my skin was crawling when she touched me. My body was trying to tell me what it needed.
It needed SPACE.
But how do you find space in a job like mommy that is so hands on? Children are naturally extroverted, especially at the ages of mine. As Ann said yesterday, it's not like mommy can take a time out.
If rules are good for children, then there are new rules for me too.
One, the tv does not go on in this house before 2pm. Most days that's not a problem because Nora's at preschool MWF from 9-1pm. The childrens programming goes off at 4pm. We can chose to listen to the music channel, Silver Screen(822) which is nothing but instrumental music scores. The kids watch cartoons with daddy in the evening when I'm washing dishes downstairs and finishing up random chores for the day - this equates to about an hour more of tv.
Two, we go outside everyday. We can play on the driveway, go on a walk, swing, etc. I put a big quilt out for Trent and me to lay on. I rest, absorb sunshine.
Three, Rich comes home earlier. Takes the kids so I can cook dinner in peace. Cooking is also a relaxation, stress outlet for the highly creative side of me.
Four, one day a week when Nora is at preschool I take Trent to a drop in daycare. It seems that Wednesdays work best for this. I get that middle week recharge of 'me' time. The me time normally consists of working on plans, random errands, blogging or reading.
The new rules for me trigger a feeling of being centered, in control in a very extroverted world. There will always be negative triggers for me, the idea now is to find positive triggers.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The One When I Explain Away Vampires
Warning: Parenting Brilliance Award Nominees, the front runner might be me after this.
Ahhhh.
So last night the DVR said it needed to tape two shows at once. I barely glanced at the tv to see what it wanted.
Being Human - Show about Vampires, Werewolves, and a ghost blending into the real world. (Richs)
Family Guy - Sassy cartoon about a disfunctional family.
Nora was suppose to going to bed soon so I didn't feel the need to change the DVR onto a recorded cartoon. She was also happily playing with her toys.
Then, I got into a great conversation with my sister, Cari on instant messenger. One of those where the two people are just really connecting and even though it was typed text nothing was lost.
About 30 minutes have passed. I've GOT to get Nora to bed. Tell my sister I'll be back in 15mins or so.
Then. I. Saw. It. And Nora did too.
There on the screen were two little boys lying on the ground(dead) necks sucked out by a child vampire that had come to be earlier in the show....
''Mommy, why he bleed?''
''Come on Nora, time to go to bed'' (I'd paused the tv at this point)
''Mommy, why he bleed? There are two boys on the ground in the mulch.''
Think. think. THINK! Quick come up with something....this is the best I could do.
''Well, they were running and fell down. They got owies on their necks. Just like when you were running on the driveway today and got an owie on your toe.''
''No, they are dead. The police man was there. They have bleeds on, on their necks. It's all oooeee.''
''Baby they weren't dead, just really hurt. The police man was there to help get them to the hospital so the doctor could fix the owies.''
''OH. Maybe they were running and fell on the mulches. And, and, and the mulches hurt their necks. Then the bleeds.'
''You are right, mulch is pretty pokie. So they were going to the hospital to get BIG bandaids to fix their owies. Maybe they will get Toy Story bandaids.''
''Mommy, doctors do not have bandaids, they have, have pokie things, like needles. I say ow ow ow!''
''Doctors also have bandaids, remember, brother got Scooby Doo ones last time he went to the dr.''
''OH. Maybe those boys with the bleeds with get Scooby Doo!''
''Let's hope so, that would make them happy.''
After breifing Rich on nuggle chat....''You know hon. That show starts with a disclaimer saying 'Some situations and visuals on this show maybe inappropriate for children.''...
''Yeah, sorry about that. Next time, I won't talk to my sister.''
Lesson learned. Kids ARE watching what you watch. And they interpret and understand a lot more than you think they do.
Ahhhh.
So last night the DVR said it needed to tape two shows at once. I barely glanced at the tv to see what it wanted.
Being Human - Show about Vampires, Werewolves, and a ghost blending into the real world. (Richs)
Family Guy - Sassy cartoon about a disfunctional family.
Nora was suppose to going to bed soon so I didn't feel the need to change the DVR onto a recorded cartoon. She was also happily playing with her toys.
Then, I got into a great conversation with my sister, Cari on instant messenger. One of those where the two people are just really connecting and even though it was typed text nothing was lost.
About 30 minutes have passed. I've GOT to get Nora to bed. Tell my sister I'll be back in 15mins or so.
Then. I. Saw. It. And Nora did too.
There on the screen were two little boys lying on the ground(dead) necks sucked out by a child vampire that had come to be earlier in the show....
''Mommy, why he bleed?''
''Come on Nora, time to go to bed'' (I'd paused the tv at this point)
''Mommy, why he bleed? There are two boys on the ground in the mulch.''
Think. think. THINK! Quick come up with something....this is the best I could do.
''Well, they were running and fell down. They got owies on their necks. Just like when you were running on the driveway today and got an owie on your toe.''
''No, they are dead. The police man was there. They have bleeds on, on their necks. It's all oooeee.''
''Baby they weren't dead, just really hurt. The police man was there to help get them to the hospital so the doctor could fix the owies.''
''OH. Maybe they were running and fell on the mulches. And, and, and the mulches hurt their necks. Then the bleeds.'
''You are right, mulch is pretty pokie. So they were going to the hospital to get BIG bandaids to fix their owies. Maybe they will get Toy Story bandaids.''
''Mommy, doctors do not have bandaids, they have, have pokie things, like needles. I say ow ow ow!''
''Doctors also have bandaids, remember, brother got Scooby Doo ones last time he went to the dr.''
''OH. Maybe those boys with the bleeds with get Scooby Doo!''
''Let's hope so, that would make them happy.''
After breifing Rich on nuggle chat....''You know hon. That show starts with a disclaimer saying 'Some situations and visuals on this show maybe inappropriate for children.''...
''Yeah, sorry about that. Next time, I won't talk to my sister.''
Lesson learned. Kids ARE watching what you watch. And they interpret and understand a lot more than you think they do.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Things I'm Loving Right Now
The most random list ever....
1. Rich has changed his work schedule so he gets home at 6pm instead of 7pm. This just rocks. To be able to eat dinner an hour earlier, when the kids aren't at the whiney stage.
2. My girl. She amazes me. Taking the treatments for her owies like a rockstar. She loves that she gets to stand on the coffee table, normally a BIG no, no!
3. Sewing. I got back to my machine this week to create a few things for friends. Nostalgia from childhood washed over me remembering falling asleep to the sound of mom sewing our Easter dresses.
4. The weather. It's just been gorgeous, no excuse to not get out gorgeous!
5. Falling asleep without meds. Yep, twice this week I crawled into bed, read a book and poof out like a light for at least 3 hrs. I did wake up later in the night, but just being able go to sleep initially shows incredible strides in controlling my anxiety.
6. That date night on Friday was to Pero's Italian Restaurant way down in Vinings. We both lived in the area while we were dating and engaged. AND, upon realizing I'd forgotten my Lactaid, Rich left the restaurant ran to the Publix 300 yards away and across Paces Ferry Rd to buy some. My knight in shining armor came back sweating.
7. Little man seems to like anything we give him to eat! Except asparagus. The spanish rice and refried beans consumption is ridiculous. Think he's got just a tad of his momma's Texas roots in him.
8. Work. Work hasn't felt this good in a while. Met a new landscaper contact, he introduced me to some incredible clients. I will also add that this landscaper does short sale how much a plan might cost. (His clients expect to be billed a minimum of $200-350) Kick A**, I might make some decent money this year if he gives me enough business. Not that I don't appreciate the other 5 landscapers I work for, but man they got spoiled with me not charging much.
9. Friends. Went out last night with girlfriends to celebrate two pregnancies. It felt SO good, to chat it up on a patio under heat lamps.
10. That my heart is craving something different everyday. Different could be try a new restaurant, do a random activity(kite flying), or start a project. Just learning to move and find new freedoms withing the confines of my house, my life as I know it.
1. Rich has changed his work schedule so he gets home at 6pm instead of 7pm. This just rocks. To be able to eat dinner an hour earlier, when the kids aren't at the whiney stage.
2. My girl. She amazes me. Taking the treatments for her owies like a rockstar. She loves that she gets to stand on the coffee table, normally a BIG no, no!
3. Sewing. I got back to my machine this week to create a few things for friends. Nostalgia from childhood washed over me remembering falling asleep to the sound of mom sewing our Easter dresses.
4. The weather. It's just been gorgeous, no excuse to not get out gorgeous!
5. Falling asleep without meds. Yep, twice this week I crawled into bed, read a book and poof out like a light for at least 3 hrs. I did wake up later in the night, but just being able go to sleep initially shows incredible strides in controlling my anxiety.
6. That date night on Friday was to Pero's Italian Restaurant way down in Vinings. We both lived in the area while we were dating and engaged. AND, upon realizing I'd forgotten my Lactaid, Rich left the restaurant ran to the Publix 300 yards away and across Paces Ferry Rd to buy some. My knight in shining armor came back sweating.
7. Little man seems to like anything we give him to eat! Except asparagus. The spanish rice and refried beans consumption is ridiculous. Think he's got just a tad of his momma's Texas roots in him.
8. Work. Work hasn't felt this good in a while. Met a new landscaper contact, he introduced me to some incredible clients. I will also add that this landscaper does short sale how much a plan might cost. (His clients expect to be billed a minimum of $200-350) Kick A**, I might make some decent money this year if he gives me enough business. Not that I don't appreciate the other 5 landscapers I work for, but man they got spoiled with me not charging much.
9. Friends. Went out last night with girlfriends to celebrate two pregnancies. It felt SO good, to chat it up on a patio under heat lamps.
10. That my heart is craving something different everyday. Different could be try a new restaurant, do a random activity(kite flying), or start a project. Just learning to move and find new freedoms withing the confines of my house, my life as I know it.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sayings that Mean Something.
A friend from college, Nick posted this as his status on Facebook a couple days ago.
''
Since then, I've been dragging it around in my head. Nick, was my best friend in college, he doesn't know what's going on right now. But how Godsent this is from him right now....divine intervention. Maybe?I've also gotten a lot of cards recently from my Pumpkin Patch sisters. Thank you! All of them mean so much to me and I'm keeping them in a pile on my nightstand for the rough moments. Zeep, yours made me laugh outloud laying in the sun on the driveway yesterday.
At my wedding, I welcomed Rich into the family and the circle of friends that are as close as family. The last couple weeks have shown me how tight my circle is, how tightly I'm held in their hearts.
Thank you.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Laundry Catwalk
WHY have I not thought of this earlier?
Seven yrs it's taken me to discovery the glories of this worthless piece of 34" wide space in my house. (Other than it makes for excellent toy storage shelves)
Trying to get chores crossed off the list. Doing to much. Multi-tasking like any mom knows we have to do. Keeper of the stuff, I am.
Add to that distinguished list....Inventor of the Laundry Catwalk. All modern moms need one.
Walk. Strut. Sashay your way to the end of the catwalk.
You are the Madonna of housework.
Strike a pose. It doesn't matter if it's darks or whites. Fling the laundry ladies with an attitude. (Listening to 'Vogue in my head)
Laundry Catwalk Superstar....that's what you are! Let the laundry fall to the floor, right by the laundry door. Come on, go with the flow..Strike a pose.
Seven yrs it's taken me to discovery the glories of this worthless piece of 34" wide space in my house. (Other than it makes for excellent toy storage shelves)
Trying to get chores crossed off the list. Doing to much. Multi-tasking like any mom knows we have to do. Keeper of the stuff, I am.
Add to that distinguished list....Inventor of the Laundry Catwalk. All modern moms need one.
Walk. Strut. Sashay your way to the end of the catwalk.
You are the Madonna of housework.
Strike a pose. It doesn't matter if it's darks or whites. Fling the laundry ladies with an attitude. (Listening to 'Vogue in my head)
Laundry Catwalk Superstar....that's what you are! Let the laundry fall to the floor, right by the laundry door. Come on, go with the flow..Strike a pose.
Lemon Bundt Cake
Figured you all deserved a new recipe......
Lemon Bundt Cake.
1 pkg. Lemon Cake Mix
1 - 3 oz. pkg. Lemon Jello - sugar free
Pinch Salt
3/4 c. oil (you may be able to substitute plain applesauce, never tried it)
6 eggs
3/4 c. apricot nectar
Mix all ingredients. Pour into greased bundt pan(just use spray oil) Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hr. Let cool for 15 minutes and turn out onto cake platter. Top w/glaze while still warm.
Glaze:
1/2 c. Sugar
2 T lemon juice
2 T frozon OJ concentrate
1 T. water
Grated lemon and orange rind(approx. 1 T of each)
Boil until sugar is dissolved. Drizzle over cake.
**Note if you have one. Use an OLD bundt pan, like our moms had. Super think cast iron looking metal, it makes the cake baked taller and a less dense.
Lemon Bundt Cake.
1 pkg. Lemon Cake Mix
1 - 3 oz. pkg. Lemon Jello - sugar free
Pinch Salt
3/4 c. oil (you may be able to substitute plain applesauce, never tried it)
6 eggs
3/4 c. apricot nectar
Mix all ingredients. Pour into greased bundt pan(just use spray oil) Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hr. Let cool for 15 minutes and turn out onto cake platter. Top w/glaze while still warm.
Glaze:
1/2 c. Sugar
2 T lemon juice
2 T frozon OJ concentrate
1 T. water
Grated lemon and orange rind(approx. 1 T of each)
Boil until sugar is dissolved. Drizzle over cake.
**Note if you have one. Use an OLD bundt pan, like our moms had. Super think cast iron looking metal, it makes the cake baked taller and a less dense.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Session #3 - Fears of the Mother Revisited.
Revelations and lots of them this past week.
Lots of parts I will not talk about here. Some parts of my family history people already know or need to know to explain a few things.
I HAD an older sister, she was 3 yrs older than me. She died in an accident at the age of 4.
Now, I've always been humbled by the fact that my parents marriage withstood. That their faith and faith in each other didn't point fingers at what happened. They will be married 39 yrs this May.
Fast forward to now. The last three months or so. Me spinning and drowning in anxiety and admittedly not being an attentive parent. Crazy enough, anxiety about not being a good parent, wife, person in this life. Vicious circle.
So I was circling and my girl, my girl was falling with me.
Nora started stuttering when she talked. Nora started have tummy issues. Nora became afraid to go poop. This has all cleared, except a little stuttering, in the last couple weeks.
Somewhere in the chaos, I voiced the fear that Nora was internalizing and processing all the emotions she saw coming out of me. Hind sight 20/20, we think the previous issues were her way of responding to the stress.
Are you following this?
(My husband says I tend to change subjects quickly and give him backlash)
Revelation.
Losing a child is a horrific thing. I can only imagine the scars on my parents souls.
Then the thought came to me I was there too. What did I see or hear, absorb through faces during those months and years afterwards.? If Nora's character could be impressed upon in a few months, oh wow.
I can not blame my parents for this, it is not their fault for feeling grief and expressing it.
There are so many parts of my character and emotional make-up that make sense if I think in these terms.
I was young(13 mths old at time of accident). As Ann said today, children that young just interpret faces, tone in voices. She used the example that if two adults were fighting in a room with a child that age...the child would mostly likely cry in response to the tension.
As one of my friends said, it is something psychology will always debate. How much of our personalities is formed in those first few years.
The question is now, is my tentative, non-confrontational personality a result of that? From seeing strong emotions, thinking they were scary, so as an adult I shy away from it?
Does my tendency to be introverted come from this? Clarification for some of you. I am extroverted when around people I've known for a while. Put me in a room with people I don't know, ask me to go to a mommy group when no FRIEND will be there to meet me..terrifying.
Does the fear of taking risks? So calculated are the chances I take. Because risk = hurt, injury, failure, disappointment.
I KNOW my parents love/loved myself and younger sister. They protected us, sometimes maybe a little too much. They lived in fear of losing us, even now. Ann said something today about people projecting their own internalized anxieties onto others.
My parents' discipline, restrictions and confidence as parents was forever changed on that day my sister died. Ever fiber of them wanting to let us go, but not knowing how. I can't imagine have a conscious and subconscious argument raging in me like that. (But I sort of can, because the anxiety attacks are my soul trying to break out of a prison of sorts )
If you could prevent pain, would you? To what extent?
All that anxiety behind the rules and limitations on my adolescence taught me, my inner being the same fears. There's an expression 'sins of the father are revisited on the son'....this is more 'fears of the mother revisited on the daughter.'....
And now, I find myself a mom. Fearing failure, fearing losing a child, fearing not raising them right. Poised to make the same mistakes?
No parents wants to see their child in pain, but we must fall and learn to get up. No parent wants to see their child struggle. No parent wants their child to question past decisions. But it happens because it's life. And some people are meant to walk it with more grace than others. Grace can also come from walking through those situations and finding the meaning and strength beyond.
So today's session. A success. A victory. A small saving Grace.
**this will probably be edited a million times, because my brain will need to process something else(Or I'll find a typo, which if you've been reading long enough you realize there are lots of)
Lots of parts I will not talk about here. Some parts of my family history people already know or need to know to explain a few things.
I HAD an older sister, she was 3 yrs older than me. She died in an accident at the age of 4.
Now, I've always been humbled by the fact that my parents marriage withstood. That their faith and faith in each other didn't point fingers at what happened. They will be married 39 yrs this May.
Fast forward to now. The last three months or so. Me spinning and drowning in anxiety and admittedly not being an attentive parent. Crazy enough, anxiety about not being a good parent, wife, person in this life. Vicious circle.
So I was circling and my girl, my girl was falling with me.
Nora started stuttering when she talked. Nora started have tummy issues. Nora became afraid to go poop. This has all cleared, except a little stuttering, in the last couple weeks.
Somewhere in the chaos, I voiced the fear that Nora was internalizing and processing all the emotions she saw coming out of me. Hind sight 20/20, we think the previous issues were her way of responding to the stress.
Are you following this?
(My husband says I tend to change subjects quickly and give him backlash)
Revelation.
Losing a child is a horrific thing. I can only imagine the scars on my parents souls.
Then the thought came to me I was there too. What did I see or hear, absorb through faces during those months and years afterwards.? If Nora's character could be impressed upon in a few months, oh wow.
I can not blame my parents for this, it is not their fault for feeling grief and expressing it.
There are so many parts of my character and emotional make-up that make sense if I think in these terms.
I was young(13 mths old at time of accident). As Ann said today, children that young just interpret faces, tone in voices. She used the example that if two adults were fighting in a room with a child that age...the child would mostly likely cry in response to the tension.
As one of my friends said, it is something psychology will always debate. How much of our personalities is formed in those first few years.
The question is now, is my tentative, non-confrontational personality a result of that? From seeing strong emotions, thinking they were scary, so as an adult I shy away from it?
Does my tendency to be introverted come from this? Clarification for some of you. I am extroverted when around people I've known for a while. Put me in a room with people I don't know, ask me to go to a mommy group when no FRIEND will be there to meet me..terrifying.
Does the fear of taking risks? So calculated are the chances I take. Because risk = hurt, injury, failure, disappointment.
I KNOW my parents love/loved myself and younger sister. They protected us, sometimes maybe a little too much. They lived in fear of losing us, even now. Ann said something today about people projecting their own internalized anxieties onto others.
My parents' discipline, restrictions and confidence as parents was forever changed on that day my sister died. Ever fiber of them wanting to let us go, but not knowing how. I can't imagine have a conscious and subconscious argument raging in me like that. (But I sort of can, because the anxiety attacks are my soul trying to break out of a prison of sorts )
If you could prevent pain, would you? To what extent?
All that anxiety behind the rules and limitations on my adolescence taught me, my inner being the same fears. There's an expression 'sins of the father are revisited on the son'....this is more 'fears of the mother revisited on the daughter.'....
And now, I find myself a mom. Fearing failure, fearing losing a child, fearing not raising them right. Poised to make the same mistakes?
No parents wants to see their child in pain, but we must fall and learn to get up. No parent wants to see their child struggle. No parent wants their child to question past decisions. But it happens because it's life. And some people are meant to walk it with more grace than others. Grace can also come from walking through those situations and finding the meaning and strength beyond.
So today's session. A success. A victory. A small saving Grace.
**this will probably be edited a million times, because my brain will need to process something else(Or I'll find a typo, which if you've been reading long enough you realize there are lots of)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Molluscum Stinks.
Molluscum contagiosum...basically, infectious warts that look like little moles that can appear anywhere on the body. Normally contracted in childhood.
I hate this infectious little wart of a disease. I hate it even more that it is ravaging my beautiful daughters' legs.
We first noticed them about a year and a half ago and just thought they were colorless moles or skin tags. Nora would occasionally scratch one and it would bleed. Princess band aid and we were good. She refers to them as her 'owies' or mosquito bites. We've really tried not to make a big deal of it so she wouldn't get self-conscious.
Then a teacher at preschool freaked out this past fall when she saw them on Nora's legs. She knew they are contagious. All the teachers on the preschool playground had to have multiple discussions, repeated inspections of the bumps. Whisper, whisper....
Special visit to the ped. We were told by our pediatrician that her body would eventually fight off the bacteria. No biggie.
The irony in this...Nora has had them for 18+ mths, neither Rich, myself, any family member or any family friends have contracted it.
Do a little more research.
One, children with eczema are more susceptible to this. FANTASTIC!(sarcasm) Nora has had alligator skin almost since birth. Sure she had that soft baby skin too, but her torso and behind the knees would be sandpaper. Used every lotion in the book to try to get rid of it.
Two, do not expose molluscum to cortisone. Cortisone suppresses the immune system and allows the virus to replicate more easily....EVEN BETTER! What did the ped. resort to in the eczema war, prescription cortizone cream.
Three, certain foods will change the bodies chemistry and allow the virus to run more freely.
1. peanuts - ARE you kidding? My barely eats meat kid lives on peanut butter!
2. oranges - so the high fiber OJ she's drinking is not on the meal plan?
I can't remember the other ones right now, but just those two take essentials to her everyday menu away.
The battle is on.
After 18+ mths of these things I'm done. I'm tired of the ped. saying they will just go away. I certainly don't want other people freaking out about it. Or continue to feel like a bad mom for not being more concerned.
So, today I went to the Homeopathic store near us. Got some special ointment they recommended. We will try this first.
If that doesn't work, moving on to Apple Cider vinegar rub downs. My poor child is going to smell like a distillery or bad B.O.
Please, please go away!
I hate this infectious little wart of a disease. I hate it even more that it is ravaging my beautiful daughters' legs.
We first noticed them about a year and a half ago and just thought they were colorless moles or skin tags. Nora would occasionally scratch one and it would bleed. Princess band aid and we were good. She refers to them as her 'owies' or mosquito bites. We've really tried not to make a big deal of it so she wouldn't get self-conscious.
Then a teacher at preschool freaked out this past fall when she saw them on Nora's legs. She knew they are contagious. All the teachers on the preschool playground had to have multiple discussions, repeated inspections of the bumps. Whisper, whisper....
Special visit to the ped. We were told by our pediatrician that her body would eventually fight off the bacteria. No biggie.
The irony in this...Nora has had them for 18+ mths, neither Rich, myself, any family member or any family friends have contracted it.
Do a little more research.
One, children with eczema are more susceptible to this. FANTASTIC!(sarcasm) Nora has had alligator skin almost since birth. Sure she had that soft baby skin too, but her torso and behind the knees would be sandpaper. Used every lotion in the book to try to get rid of it.
Two, do not expose molluscum to cortisone. Cortisone suppresses the immune system and allows the virus to replicate more easily....EVEN BETTER! What did the ped. resort to in the eczema war, prescription cortizone cream.
Three, certain foods will change the bodies chemistry and allow the virus to run more freely.
1. peanuts - ARE you kidding? My barely eats meat kid lives on peanut butter!
2. oranges - so the high fiber OJ she's drinking is not on the meal plan?
I can't remember the other ones right now, but just those two take essentials to her everyday menu away.
The battle is on.
After 18+ mths of these things I'm done. I'm tired of the ped. saying they will just go away. I certainly don't want other people freaking out about it. Or continue to feel like a bad mom for not being more concerned.
So, today I went to the Homeopathic store near us. Got some special ointment they recommended. We will try this first.
If that doesn't work, moving on to Apple Cider vinegar rub downs. My poor child is going to smell like a distillery or bad B.O.
Please, please go away!
Catch Up
There are so many things to do around here that have been neglected. Going to take this week for myself. No work. No landscapers. No clients.
Nice how that works when your self-employed. It also helps that the hubby is out of town for the next three days, sort of makes it a big ME week.
1. Move all my sewing stuff into the spare bedroom and organize. (done)
2. Pick weeds. Complete therapy for me. Something peaceful about pulling up weeds.
3. Paint...I want to sit down at my desk and paint. The tv will be on my new favorite channel 'Silver Screen'..all movie scores.
4. Vacuum out my car. We managed to get all the junk out of it this past weekend. (done)
5. Call the shower door guy since the door manage to slip out of alignment again. Starting to think frameless glass shower doors are for the birds. (done)
6. Call Direct TV....the said we didn't needs to return the old one, then we got a shipping box...make up your minds!
7. Call Golds Gym and cancel membership. I just can't seem to fit it in right now. It's stressing me out that we are spending money and it's wasted.
8. Finish hanging pictures in Nora's room.
9. Clean up the pile of phoetenia bushes in the backyard....the snow took them down back in January!
10. Go to the post office and mail items.(done)
I'm sure that I will find more mundane domestic duties to fill the time, but these seem to be clogging up my brain for now.
Nice how that works when your self-employed. It also helps that the hubby is out of town for the next three days, sort of makes it a big ME week.
1. Move all my sewing stuff into the spare bedroom and organize. (done)
2. Pick weeds. Complete therapy for me. Something peaceful about pulling up weeds.
3. Paint...I want to sit down at my desk and paint. The tv will be on my new favorite channel 'Silver Screen'..all movie scores.
4. Vacuum out my car. We managed to get all the junk out of it this past weekend. (done)
5. Call the shower door guy since the door manage to slip out of alignment again. Starting to think frameless glass shower doors are for the birds. (done)
6. Call Direct TV....the said we didn't needs to return the old one, then we got a shipping box...make up your minds!
7. Call Golds Gym and cancel membership. I just can't seem to fit it in right now. It's stressing me out that we are spending money and it's wasted.
8. Finish hanging pictures in Nora's room.
9. Clean up the pile of phoetenia bushes in the backyard....the snow took them down back in January!
10. Go to the post office and mail items.(done)
I'm sure that I will find more mundane domestic duties to fill the time, but these seem to be clogging up my brain for now.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Your a Mom When....
There have been moments lately when it has hit me how much of a mom I have become. How these two little people have changed my thinking.
Driving into the Target parking lot, or any store really, I base my slot choice on proximity to the basket return. It ROCKS if I can score one adjacent to the basket return. This can literally make my morning or afternoon.
We were at Jared Jewelers....yes he went to Jared.(such a cheesy commercial). Anyhoo...Rich lost his wedding ring on Christmas Day in his parents back yard. Snow ball fight. No gloves. Super cold hands. Whoosh there went the ring. The sales lady dropped a ring on the glass counter, we both moved with quickness only a parent knows to stop it from going off the counter. She actually congratulated us both on our cat-like reflexes. Our response in unison...'Kids!'
Some of you may remember my rant about Dishwasher Loading Disease....I actually told Rich the other day...''I used to be able to fit more things in the dishwasher, you know what I realized? My whole top rack has been over taken with Gerber baby bowls, sippies, and bottles.'' This bothers me on a fundamental level, but I've come to terms with the idea that this stage will pass.
There's one maternity shirt(blush!) that I can't seem to put away yet! It's just a gray and white striped tank from Motherhood. It doesn't look maternity and it's so comfortable! There is guilty pleasure in just wearing it around the house on a rainy day.
The floor of my car hasn't been vacuumed in about three months. UGH! And I'm pretty sure you could find enough random clothes for each child to make an outfit. Might not match but yeah in a pinch it would work.
You find it hysterical that your toddler just stood on the couch next to the hubby and tooted. And upon being questioned about it responded, ''I like doing that all the time! I toot!' (That just happened while I was posting)
Walking into any consignment or thrift store your immediate thought is 'What clothes to they have for the kids' You buy 10 items for them, then get all giddy about a Franco Sarto purse(green) that normally retails for $65 for $5! Purses have become my new love, like shoes they sort of always fit and look good.
You've found the 3 yr olds' shoe, one shoe, in the washing machine for the 4th time and are bewildered as to how it got there. This is the reverse of the sneaky sock gnome living in the dryer, it's the washing machine fairy that gifts things to the load. We don't disguise the unwanted gifts of mascara and lipstick or a pocket full of tissue.
Driving into the Target parking lot, or any store really, I base my slot choice on proximity to the basket return. It ROCKS if I can score one adjacent to the basket return. This can literally make my morning or afternoon.
We were at Jared Jewelers....yes he went to Jared.(such a cheesy commercial). Anyhoo...Rich lost his wedding ring on Christmas Day in his parents back yard. Snow ball fight. No gloves. Super cold hands. Whoosh there went the ring. The sales lady dropped a ring on the glass counter, we both moved with quickness only a parent knows to stop it from going off the counter. She actually congratulated us both on our cat-like reflexes. Our response in unison...'Kids!'
Some of you may remember my rant about Dishwasher Loading Disease....I actually told Rich the other day...''I used to be able to fit more things in the dishwasher, you know what I realized? My whole top rack has been over taken with Gerber baby bowls, sippies, and bottles.'' This bothers me on a fundamental level, but I've come to terms with the idea that this stage will pass.
There's one maternity shirt(blush!) that I can't seem to put away yet! It's just a gray and white striped tank from Motherhood. It doesn't look maternity and it's so comfortable! There is guilty pleasure in just wearing it around the house on a rainy day.
The floor of my car hasn't been vacuumed in about three months. UGH! And I'm pretty sure you could find enough random clothes for each child to make an outfit. Might not match but yeah in a pinch it would work.
You find it hysterical that your toddler just stood on the couch next to the hubby and tooted. And upon being questioned about it responded, ''I like doing that all the time! I toot!' (That just happened while I was posting)
Walking into any consignment or thrift store your immediate thought is 'What clothes to they have for the kids' You buy 10 items for them, then get all giddy about a Franco Sarto purse(green) that normally retails for $65 for $5! Purses have become my new love, like shoes they sort of always fit and look good.
You've found the 3 yr olds' shoe, one shoe, in the washing machine for the 4th time and are bewildered as to how it got there. This is the reverse of the sneaky sock gnome living in the dryer, it's the washing machine fairy that gifts things to the load. We don't disguise the unwanted gifts of mascara and lipstick or a pocket full of tissue.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Agitated
I woke from my nap this afternoon feeling 'jumpy'. The jumpy feeling is BAD, it means anxiety levels are rising.
Then I realized...I'm not hungry. Great. Yet another sign that I'm unsettled about something. If I haven't mentioned it, I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 6 weeks, because when it gets bad...I don't eat.
Rich was downstairs with the kids making dinner(awesome!) so I took a minute to come upstairs to think.
Tingle. Tingle, tingle on the scalp.
I decided to take my evening meds an hour early and waited. Waited for them to clear the fog. Best way to describe the anxiety attacks is I start thinking illogically about random stuff, things that are actually unrelated to anything I did that day.
Thirty minutes later I realized....I had a conversation with my mom today. I won't go into details, but what started as a positive conversation ended with a bunch of statements about my life. OR at least how my mother perceives my life and what SHE thinks needs to be fixed.
So, I talked to my husband, dropped my guard and wasn't afraid to potentially hurt him. My anxiety went down as we talked and there was release. I was free of it, the confusion processed. I am amazed at the power closer introspection has given me. Ann says we are seeking for ways to control my brain. I found control tonight for the first time.
As I've mentioned before Rich and I are slowly chipping away at the layers of this life. We are standing in the unknown together, holding tightly. This is a time in MY life that I need that support and learning to ASK for help. He's a man watching his wife rebuild herself.
So many changes have happened already. Moments that are making my heart soar.
Then I realized...I'm not hungry. Great. Yet another sign that I'm unsettled about something. If I haven't mentioned it, I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 6 weeks, because when it gets bad...I don't eat.
Rich was downstairs with the kids making dinner(awesome!) so I took a minute to come upstairs to think.
Tingle. Tingle, tingle on the scalp.
I decided to take my evening meds an hour early and waited. Waited for them to clear the fog. Best way to describe the anxiety attacks is I start thinking illogically about random stuff, things that are actually unrelated to anything I did that day.
Thirty minutes later I realized....I had a conversation with my mom today. I won't go into details, but what started as a positive conversation ended with a bunch of statements about my life. OR at least how my mother perceives my life and what SHE thinks needs to be fixed.
So, I talked to my husband, dropped my guard and wasn't afraid to potentially hurt him. My anxiety went down as we talked and there was release. I was free of it, the confusion processed. I am amazed at the power closer introspection has given me. Ann says we are seeking for ways to control my brain. I found control tonight for the first time.
As I've mentioned before Rich and I are slowly chipping away at the layers of this life. We are standing in the unknown together, holding tightly. This is a time in MY life that I need that support and learning to ASK for help. He's a man watching his wife rebuild herself.
So many changes have happened already. Moments that are making my heart soar.
I Need a Theme Song
Stolen directly from my sister in law, Jen's Facebook status... One of her friends called her supermom for cooking, facebooking and parenting all at the same time.
One friend mentioned she needed a cape, which if you've seen 'The Inredibles' know that may end badly. Capes get caught in fans and trees, you get the drift...not a good idea.
Next, a friend said, ''I've always wanted a theme song when I enter a room.''
How fun would that be! Of course, you would need to be able to change it depending on your mood and the day.
So I went hunting on the radio stations in the car looking for a theme song, just for this week. There are a bunch that resound with my soul right now.
This is one of many. Sometimes, I do miss it. So busy was I checking off the big boxes of life goals....
''You're going to Miss This'' - Trace Atkins
She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby just slow down
'Cause You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says they don't bother me
I've got 2 babies of my own
One's 36, one's 23
Huh, it's hard to believe
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this
One friend mentioned she needed a cape, which if you've seen 'The Inredibles' know that may end badly. Capes get caught in fans and trees, you get the drift...not a good idea.
Next, a friend said, ''I've always wanted a theme song when I enter a room.''
How fun would that be! Of course, you would need to be able to change it depending on your mood and the day.
So I went hunting on the radio stations in the car looking for a theme song, just for this week. There are a bunch that resound with my soul right now.
This is one of many. Sometimes, I do miss it. So busy was I checking off the big boxes of life goals....
''You're going to Miss This'' - Trace Atkins
She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby just slow down
'Cause You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says they don't bother me
I've got 2 babies of my own
One's 36, one's 23
Huh, it's hard to believe
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Cilantro Shredded Beef
TOTAL experiment going on right now in the crockpot. So far, the marinade tastes fantastic so crossing fingers this works out.
Cilantro Shredded Beef
3 lbs skillet steak or roast (if it's a roast, cube it)
Marinade
2 small cans chopped mild green chilis or one can hot green chilis
1 T. lime juice
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 heaping T. of minced garlic(I used the jarred stuff(
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp chili powder
2 T. olive oil
1/4 tsp. cumin
1 1/2 tsp. oregano
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro.
1/8 c. water
1. Put the meat in the crockpot on high. I actually put it in frozen! (I read another crockpot blog and the lady does this all the time, just with beef though!)
2. Mix up marinade.
3. Pour over beef and set crock pot on high.
Right now I'm planing on cooking on high for 4 hours and then pulling back to low for the last two....we will see what the end result is. This is suppose to be served in tacos, but we may just eat it as a main dish with rice and veggies.
_____________________________________________________________-
The review....the hubby loved it. But because we are big on spicy food there are a few changes to what I posted earlier. We think it needed more green chili flavor and cilantro. The 1/4 c. in the original post got lost after all the cooking.
Cilantro Shredded Beef
3 lbs skillet steak or roast (if it's a roast, cube it)
Marinade
2 small cans chopped mild green chilis or one can hot green chilis
1 T. lime juice
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 heaping T. of minced garlic(I used the jarred stuff(
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp chili powder
2 T. olive oil
1/4 tsp. cumin
1 1/2 tsp. oregano
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro.
1/8 c. water
1. Put the meat in the crockpot on high. I actually put it in frozen! (I read another crockpot blog and the lady does this all the time, just with beef though!)
2. Mix up marinade.
3. Pour over beef and set crock pot on high.
Right now I'm planing on cooking on high for 4 hours and then pulling back to low for the last two....we will see what the end result is. This is suppose to be served in tacos, but we may just eat it as a main dish with rice and veggies.
_____________________________________________________________-
The review....the hubby loved it. But because we are big on spicy food there are a few changes to what I posted earlier. We think it needed more green chili flavor and cilantro. The 1/4 c. in the original post got lost after all the cooking.
For the Sake of Random Thoughts.
A thought has occurred to me in the last few weeks.
If I ask my mom about our childhood, most of the time her answer is 'I don't remember.' You don't remember? How does a mom forget? Some part of me believes it's because she worked so hard to keep memories of Allison. The other part of me thinks that maybe in those years after the accident, life was a blur, a depression for her. Just going through the motions. There are certainly parts of the last 6 wks I can't remember, conversations I'm sure I had but they are lost.
I told Ann, the psycho, this week that I think the blog is so I won't be able to say 'I don't remember' to my children. Their lives, the parts they don't have memory of will be here in writing. They may laugh, cry, smile and cringe at it years from now.
A blog friend told me a couple days ago that she loves my blog because it makes her laugh and speaks the truth.
There's a lot of truth here. About marriage, discipline, laughter, sadness, the depth of love, and where that all gets you in life. I grew up in a family that waxed over a lot of things, denied that there was an elephant in the room, and wouldn't talk about anything uncomfortable.
Rich didn't grow up like me, so this has been a crossroads for us. A whole exploration into how to break the cycle of my family, how to pull in the openness of his. The dialogues between us feel dynamic to me, like we are getting somewhere slowly.
I think there's a line in the movie ''As Good as It Gets'' that Jack Nicholson's character talks about itty bitty baby steps.
He also hops all over the sidewalk at one point trying to avoid the cracks. OCD rules his life. And while I don't have OCD tendencies, I am very proficient with avoidingthings.. Maybe I've been hopping over all the cracks in life and instead of stepping into the depths, apply a little Elmer's and hope that holds.
I'm hoping that this blog also give my kids a true picture of life....not just the pretty parts either.
If I ask my mom about our childhood, most of the time her answer is 'I don't remember.' You don't remember? How does a mom forget? Some part of me believes it's because she worked so hard to keep memories of Allison. The other part of me thinks that maybe in those years after the accident, life was a blur, a depression for her. Just going through the motions. There are certainly parts of the last 6 wks I can't remember, conversations I'm sure I had but they are lost.
I told Ann, the psycho, this week that I think the blog is so I won't be able to say 'I don't remember' to my children. Their lives, the parts they don't have memory of will be here in writing. They may laugh, cry, smile and cringe at it years from now.
A blog friend told me a couple days ago that she loves my blog because it makes her laugh and speaks the truth.
There's a lot of truth here. About marriage, discipline, laughter, sadness, the depth of love, and where that all gets you in life. I grew up in a family that waxed over a lot of things, denied that there was an elephant in the room, and wouldn't talk about anything uncomfortable.
Rich didn't grow up like me, so this has been a crossroads for us. A whole exploration into how to break the cycle of my family, how to pull in the openness of his. The dialogues between us feel dynamic to me, like we are getting somewhere slowly.
I think there's a line in the movie ''As Good as It Gets'' that Jack Nicholson's character talks about itty bitty baby steps.
He also hops all over the sidewalk at one point trying to avoid the cracks. OCD rules his life. And while I don't have OCD tendencies, I am very proficient with avoidingthings.. Maybe I've been hopping over all the cracks in life and instead of stepping into the depths, apply a little Elmer's and hope that holds.
I'm hoping that this blog also give my kids a true picture of life....not just the pretty parts either.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
When I Grow
Nora's been talking a lot about what she's going to do when she grows, grows, grows and get big like me.
The conversations are so scattered and the connectivity in her thoughts is wanting.
So far I've gathered that she thinks her spirit means it's her job.
She also thinks spirit means 'you listen to children'.
She says she has to stand on her stool in the bathroom and get pretty because that also is her job.
She does love her make-up and having lots of bows and ponytails.
She painted all my nails turquoise blue yesterday, except for my middle finger on my left hand...it was fuchsia because it was special. Mimi bought her this, umm awesome, polish collection when she was here last month. I think Nora adds mass to her body with the amount of paint she applies to fingers and toes. All by herself. I cringe when she opens the bottles near the carpet.
I don't know about all this. Maybe her inner self is already telling her to go into beauty school? Is she an artist in the making like mommy?
____________________________
And then there was this tonight during snuggle chat.
''Mommy, you have big boobs.''
''Um yeah. I guess I do'' (of course that's all enhanced because of the breastfeeding, still shrinking back down)
''How do I get big boobs?''
''You uh have to grow''
''I grow and grow and get big boobs!''
If genetics have a say in it honey, yes you will be blessed with a large chest. Hopefully, you will be just as excited about it 10 or so years from now.
The conversations are so scattered and the connectivity in her thoughts is wanting.
So far I've gathered that she thinks her spirit means it's her job.
She also thinks spirit means 'you listen to children'.
She says she has to stand on her stool in the bathroom and get pretty because that also is her job.
She does love her make-up and having lots of bows and ponytails.
She painted all my nails turquoise blue yesterday, except for my middle finger on my left hand...it was fuchsia because it was special. Mimi bought her this, umm awesome, polish collection when she was here last month. I think Nora adds mass to her body with the amount of paint she applies to fingers and toes. All by herself. I cringe when she opens the bottles near the carpet.
I don't know about all this. Maybe her inner self is already telling her to go into beauty school? Is she an artist in the making like mommy?
____________________________
And then there was this tonight during snuggle chat.
''Mommy, you have big boobs.''
''Um yeah. I guess I do'' (of course that's all enhanced because of the breastfeeding, still shrinking back down)
''How do I get big boobs?''
''You uh have to grow''
''I grow and grow and get big boobs!''
If genetics have a say in it honey, yes you will be blessed with a large chest. Hopefully, you will be just as excited about it 10 or so years from now.
Beyond the Cliche
Today.
I feel normal.
I didn't want to get out of bed, but that was only because Rich slept in today and we were cuddled. The kids were down the hall chattering at each other.
Did I mention that Nora has learned to crawl into Trent's crib? Just smooshes her foot between the rails in between the mattress and legs it over. There are many rules invovling this, one being, DO NOT try to get brother out of the crib. But there are sweet giggles and squeals drifting down the hall most mornings.
The five minutes of crib time lets me get my bearings.
Except today. Today I woke up with my bearings. I almost skipped taking my anti-anxiety pill. Yea, yeah....I know. I took half because it says I can take 1/2 to a whole. Still within prescription bounds.
Then the morning just flowed, easily and it was like breathing in spring.
Fed the kids.
I cleaned the kitchen. Started the dishwasher. Swept and vacuumed the tile. I did this without thinking about it and drudging my way through it.
Then I made our bed, virtually unheard of. (and for the second day in a row)
Checked on the kids playing in the bonus room. Pulled Trent away from a socket...he's obsessed right now.
Picked up all the extra cups in the bonus room and took them downstairs.
Did the trash across the top of the house and actually went outside to deposit in the big trash can. Most of the time it hits the garage floor right outside the laundry room door to be taken out later.
Got the kids both dressed in record time. WITH, I might add very little whining from Nora. This whining stage is going to be the end of my patience.
I put a load of clothes in the dryer. Filled the washing machine with dirty clothes to run later.
Had a friend come to watch the kids while I went to the pscyho, Ann.
Sat in the waiting room. Interesting people watching. Small innocent looking little boy with shoe laces untied, angsty teenager throwing herself on couch arms crossed, and retired age woman in running suit. Fun to make up in my head what their problems might be.
Talked to psycho. Most of the time feeling like a rambling idiot but whatever she's getting inside my head. We did discuss the misconception that motherhood is suppose to be poetic or at least people will wax poetic about it. Trust me there are those days, but it's not the norm. This is what I got out of today....most sayings about motherhood are cliches. These cliches are verbalized on the GOOD days....
You will never see a plaque reading ....'Some days, 'mommy?' sounds like nails on a chalkboard' hanging above a doorframe in your friends kitchen. Because who would be inspired by that.
Nooooooo all the plaques at Hobby Lobby read, 'My children, my heart walking outside my body' or 'My children taught me the meaning of life.'' Which in reality, parents are suppose to be teaching children about life. What if you screw that up? There is no report card to give you a 'U' for unsatisfactory in morals and an 'S' for satisfactory in problem solving.
What you might get is a angsty teenager that throws herself onto leaather couches in a doctors office.
So that was therapy today.
Came home. Talked with friend who sat with kiddos.
Suggested going outside to Nora and got a resounding 'YESSSSS!' Nora wanted to go on a walk so she pushed her baby stroller while I pushed Trent. Ran into another friend driving home and talked to her on the sidewalk.
Did yard picnic lunch with kiddos for an hour.
Came in and put Trent down for nap like clockwork. Bottle, burp....mommy give me my snuggle blanket and he is OUT!.
And now, I'm snuggled on the couch with my girl watching 'Tinkerbell'.
Tomorrow could just be one continuous domestic and parental war, but today is the cliche.
I feel normal.
I didn't want to get out of bed, but that was only because Rich slept in today and we were cuddled. The kids were down the hall chattering at each other.
Did I mention that Nora has learned to crawl into Trent's crib? Just smooshes her foot between the rails in between the mattress and legs it over. There are many rules invovling this, one being, DO NOT try to get brother out of the crib. But there are sweet giggles and squeals drifting down the hall most mornings.
The five minutes of crib time lets me get my bearings.
Except today. Today I woke up with my bearings. I almost skipped taking my anti-anxiety pill. Yea, yeah....I know. I took half because it says I can take 1/2 to a whole. Still within prescription bounds.
Then the morning just flowed, easily and it was like breathing in spring.
Fed the kids.
I cleaned the kitchen. Started the dishwasher. Swept and vacuumed the tile. I did this without thinking about it and drudging my way through it.
Then I made our bed, virtually unheard of. (and for the second day in a row)
Checked on the kids playing in the bonus room. Pulled Trent away from a socket...he's obsessed right now.
Picked up all the extra cups in the bonus room and took them downstairs.
Did the trash across the top of the house and actually went outside to deposit in the big trash can. Most of the time it hits the garage floor right outside the laundry room door to be taken out later.
Got the kids both dressed in record time. WITH, I might add very little whining from Nora. This whining stage is going to be the end of my patience.
I put a load of clothes in the dryer. Filled the washing machine with dirty clothes to run later.
Had a friend come to watch the kids while I went to the pscyho, Ann.
Sat in the waiting room. Interesting people watching. Small innocent looking little boy with shoe laces untied, angsty teenager throwing herself on couch arms crossed, and retired age woman in running suit. Fun to make up in my head what their problems might be.
Talked to psycho. Most of the time feeling like a rambling idiot but whatever she's getting inside my head. We did discuss the misconception that motherhood is suppose to be poetic or at least people will wax poetic about it. Trust me there are those days, but it's not the norm. This is what I got out of today....most sayings about motherhood are cliches. These cliches are verbalized on the GOOD days....
You will never see a plaque reading ....'Some days, 'mommy?' sounds like nails on a chalkboard' hanging above a doorframe in your friends kitchen. Because who would be inspired by that.
Nooooooo all the plaques at Hobby Lobby read, 'My children, my heart walking outside my body' or 'My children taught me the meaning of life.'' Which in reality, parents are suppose to be teaching children about life. What if you screw that up? There is no report card to give you a 'U' for unsatisfactory in morals and an 'S' for satisfactory in problem solving.
What you might get is a angsty teenager that throws herself onto leaather couches in a doctors office.
So that was therapy today.
Came home. Talked with friend who sat with kiddos.
Suggested going outside to Nora and got a resounding 'YESSSSS!' Nora wanted to go on a walk so she pushed her baby stroller while I pushed Trent. Ran into another friend driving home and talked to her on the sidewalk.
Did yard picnic lunch with kiddos for an hour.
Came in and put Trent down for nap like clockwork. Bottle, burp....mommy give me my snuggle blanket and he is OUT!.
And now, I'm snuggled on the couch with my girl watching 'Tinkerbell'.
Tomorrow could just be one continuous domestic and parental war, but today is the cliche.
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