Agitated

I woke from my nap this afternoon feeling 'jumpy'. The jumpy feeling is BAD, it means anxiety levels are rising.

Then I realized...I'm not hungry. Great. Yet another sign that I'm unsettled about something. If I haven't mentioned it, I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 6 weeks, because when it gets bad...I don't eat.

Rich was downstairs with the kids making dinner(awesome!) so I took a minute to come upstairs to think.

Tingle. Tingle, tingle on the scalp.

I decided to take my evening meds an hour early and waited. Waited for them to clear the fog. Best way to describe the anxiety attacks is I start thinking illogically about random stuff, things that are actually unrelated to anything I did that day.

Thirty minutes later I realized....I had a conversation with my mom today. I won't go into details, but what started as a positive conversation ended with a bunch of statements about my life. OR at least how my mother perceives my life and what SHE thinks needs to be fixed.

So, I talked to my husband, dropped my guard and wasn't afraid to potentially hurt him. My anxiety went down as we talked and there was release. I was free of it, the confusion processed. I am amazed at the power closer introspection has given me. Ann says we are seeking for ways to control my brain. I found control tonight for the first time.

As I've mentioned before Rich and I are slowly chipping away at the layers of this life. We are standing in the unknown together, holding tightly. This is a time in MY life that I need that support and learning to ASK for help. He's a man watching his wife rebuild herself.

So many changes have happened already. Moments that are making my heart soar.