Besieging the Cake.

Ahh...I don't think there's anything more stressful than kids birthday parties.

You work so hard to make everything just so. To make a special moment or memory for your child...that was last Friday for me.

I had it all planned. Drop Nora at preschool and drive to Kroger just down the street. Run through like a chicken with their head cut off quickly checking items off my list.

Get through grocery store in less than 40 minutes, having bought 50 items and saved 40%. YES!!! (Couponing on a time frame should be a sport or worth some commendation in a mommy Hall of Fame)

Drive in garage, look in back seat...Trent is asleep! YESSS!!!! Quickly unload the groceries, set up stand mixer. Complete mixing of first cake mix, start second one.

Did I mention the cake was going to be a two story castle with turrets?

Frantically start cleaning the house or at least the downstairs. It seems I've been doing this all week. Clean and turn around and MESS everywhere!....the plight of motherhood, always picking up a mess.

Cakes are cooled....um, not so much. Cake two sticks in pan. Blood pressure goes up a notch.

It is ok, it is ok....(mantra to keep me calm) I have plenty of time right?

It's only 12:30...oh no, gotta pick up Nora!

Remember that we need special purple dye from Michaels. Please, please everyone be happy. Trent happily erped down my cleavage while frontpacking him into the store. (Put shower on to do list)

Get home. Get Nora settled with lunch and a movie. Trent down for nap. Whew! Time to redo cake two and start on the turrets.

''Mommy, watcha doing? You make me Tinkerbell castle? I help?'' Ummmm, yeah sure that will be time efficient. Chant, your making a memory, your making a memory.

Darn it...Trent not so much down for nap. Walk around with him, make him happy...oh...back to sleep.

Get new cakes into the oven. Realize that because cake two stuck we are now short one box mix....Trent napping, can't go to store.

It is ok, it is ok... I have plenty of time right?

That's ok, I'll make the icing!

Get out hand mixer. Start icing. ''mommy I help? Mmmmm, that good icing!'' Three year old on a quick ride up the sugar high train. This always leads to fantastic tantrums later on.

Crazy sound coming from hand mixer, beaters lock. WAIT, what's that smell. Oh crap. Motor burned out. (Blood pressure going up yet another notch) I'm pretty convinced the universe is trying to tell me something at this point.

It's ok, it's OK! I can do this, laugh, this should be funny right? Great story later on, character building and all.

Purple icing complete. Apply icing to watch it run. down. the. cake. ''Mommy, I put Tinkerbell on cake'' (We bought a Tinkerbell at Michaels) ''No, not yet Nora''

Call Rich, tell him to go buy many more bags of confectioners sugar, eggs and box cake mix. Complain about just getting frustrated and wanting to start over, icing looks like melted wax. Not the vision of a fairytale castle I envisioned.

Loving husband assures me he will take care of the cake. He has experience, he used to make cakes at Baskin Robbins as a teenager. I think GREAT, I'm off the hook.

Same loving husband assesses the damage to cake upon arrival home and calls in reinforcements...i.e. the grandparents to corral the troops.

It's ok, it's ok...we have time to fix this right?

''Hon, I don't think my icing skills translate to this?'' WHAT! Notice icing running down cake.
Time for another plan. Turn down air conditioning to 70 degrees. Surely an artic blast will make the cake behave?

I'm running out of manuevers in my plan of attack...having lost my second leutinant to the Battle of the Clean Office.

It is ok, it is ok.... I have plenty of time right?

Lots of sugar added to mixer. Ah ha! I will defeat the cake, it will not beat me. Make icing so stiff I think I could almost roll it. Did I inadvertantly create fondant or tasty spackle? Quite possibly.

Green icing into squirting bag. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze...did I just sweat? Squeezing icing just made me sweat?! The battle is heating up. But I do like the first details on the turrett.

Time to finish up the edges of the cake. Blue little flower, blue little flower, blue little flower has become my battle chant. Ah....success, the walls have been completed. husband walks through and gives kudos to forward progress shift in the battle.

Back to assailing the turrets. Oh crap. Icing squirts do not stick to cake without thin underlayer....scrape, scape the previous green detail off. Thin icing on, and start over.

Checking the right flank...icing tight and secure. Check the left, nooooooooo! Butress failure! Heavier, spacklesk icing migrating down side of cake from walls.

Retreat! Retreat! ''Hon, I'm done. I give up the castle has won.''

And so, we the parents failed to create a Tinkerbell Castle upon Nora's 3rd birthday.

In the morning, Nora asked where her cake was. Rich sighed and told her ''Daddy broke your castle, it was an accident. BUT, mommy went to get you a new cake!'' Big kudos to him for taking one for the team.

After $30 in baking supplies, we spent $30 to get a new cake. To erase the feeling of failure, to create a memory, to create a smile on Nora's sweet face.

And because I'm convinced I will win the next cake battle, today I googled 'Publix Icing Recipe' and found this.

Publix Icing

2 sticks butter
2 cups crisco
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp butter flavoring
1/2 tsp almond extract
2 lbs confect. sugar (made from cane sugar)
1/4 tsp salt - (You may want to add salt to taste)
1 tbs. meringue powder ( I use Just Whites)
1 tbs milk (if needed)

Mix butter, crisco, and salt together on low speed for 5 minutes.
Add - vanilla, butter flavor, and almond extract. Mix well.
Add- meringue powder and 1/2 of the sugar, mix well.
Continue to mix adding sugar 1/2 cup at a time. Beat until smooth and creamy (about 5 minutes). Add milk a tsp at a time if mixture becomes too stiff.
This will be as close as you'll ever come to the Publix brand buttercream.

Funny enough, there's a family saying....''When all else fails read the Instructions'''.....duh!